Meeting Needs Through Counseling
THE NEEDS AND PURPOSES IN GIVING
CARE AND COUNSELING
Written by Dr. Edward Watke Jr.
The need of counseling and caring for others by giving Biblical guidance is seen in so many different ways, both in human experience and of course especially in Biblical truth.
The Lord Jesus Christ spent a great amount of His life in counseling or in giving guidance if that is what one may prefer calling it. The examples are seen so often in the gospels, especially in the gospel of John. In John four He spent a great amount of time with the woman at the well in counseling and facing her with her problems and needs to end that she came to know Him as Lord and Savior. The best counseling we will ever be engaged in is witnessing to the truth of the gospel, giving the "old, old story of Christ and His love", and telling others of the resurrection as the early believers gave witness to this truth. The Lord Jesus counseled often with the twelve, as He taught them frequently even as the outgrowth of His ministry with the masses. We could note further such portions as John 5, John 6, 10, 11, 14-17, etc., as we see Christ ministering to the disciples, and of course many others in their needs.
Our duty in counseling and meeting the needs of others is seen in many portions, such as: Gal. 6:1,2, 9-10; Heb. 3:13; II Cor. 1:3-7; II Cor. 12:9; I Cor. 13; I Cor. 12; Col. 1:28; II Tim. 2:1,2; etc. We are "our brother's keeper" for we are accountable to admonish, rebuke, exhort,and encourage those who are brothers and sisters in the Lord.
The need of giving counseling or guidance is seen in the need of the body:
• because of environmental problems,
• sinful habits,
• during the period of growth into adulthood,
• in diseases, need of cures,
• adjustments to aging,
• in the times of crisis, in times of accidents, etc.
Whatever takes place in the needs of the body is always manifested in the mind and soul as well, for we are complex and whatever effects one part of the being effects every part. In Psalm 42,43, 32, 73 and other portions we note that what was taking place in the soul and/or the body effected the total being.
The need also of giving counsel or guidance is seen in mental burdens and problems. Highly trained Biblical counselors often note many special problems that people face which effect the person mentally. For as a man "thinketh" in his heart, so is he. This can be noted in inherited mental responses, weaknesses, abnormalities, and lacks. Paying mental games in order to reject facing truth about one's self is so often noted in many Christian's lives.
Then the need is witnessed in the conflicts and struggles of the spirit and the soul. There are the problems before the new birth, and after the new birth in conflicts with the sinful flesh or carnal nature, with the world about us, and with Satan's wiles and attacks. There are the worries, the fears, the apprehensions, the testings and trials that take place in the life. There are the times that we face Satan's goal to devour, his sifting and his methods to control the mind and build strongholds in the life. (I Pet. 5:8,9; Luke 22:31;
II Cor. 10:3-5) There is the need of discipling the new convert, and of helping the new Christian by faithful counseling. All of these three aspects are witnessed in the Word of God and can especially be found in the gospels.
Also the need for counseling and giving spiritual guidance and care is seen in man's experience and evident need. These needs would not be in the life except for the sinful nature of man. We can only mention the needs for they are numerous. There are those who have obsessions, fantasies, regression, who practice compensatory defense reactions, rationalizations, suspicions, blaming others, withdrawal, ego defense, denial of reality, escaping into a dream world, who practice projectionism, and who live lives of emotional insulation and isolation. There are those who find themselves in prolonged physical and mental strains, and experience total exhaustion.
Also coupled with all of this would be hysteria, paranoid and maniac depression states, schizophrenia or withdrawal from reality into extreme fantasy. This list of needs would be areas that counselors with much training would endeavor to help and give Biblical answers because behind every kind of need almost universally is the sin problem that has brought people to the state in which they find themselves.
All the foregoing lists of needs, burdens and problems that people face helps us to understand that there is a great need to aid others, or at least to be sympathetic and understanding of their needs and problems.
Someone has said that there are at last twelve classes of people who need help, care and counseling. This includes marital counseling and many other aspects of counseling labors, this list includes the following: 1) the disturbed person, 2) the spiritually needy, 3) the perplexed person, adult, child or youth, 4) those needing vocational guidance, 5) the potential divorcee, 6) children and youth in the home, 7) those who are in financial bondage, 8) the quarreling church member, 9) the aged, 10) the chronically ill, 11) the rebellious teen, and 12) the newly married and soon to be married. Many needs that people have would fall into one of these categories. We need to be ready to help those who are in need of Biblical answers.
HELPING, CARING BY GIVING GENERAL GUIDANCE
When we lead someone in decisions and in spiritual guidance a number of things are important. Parents, teachers, Christian workers and the saved in general at times are called upon to give spiritual guidance and help others in general decisions. A decision by definition is "a conclusion arrived at after consideration." The word guidance means by definition, "the act of guiding, or leading." To be a guide one should note that the word means, "To act as a guide to, to direct in a way, to regulate or manage; to guide commonly implies more immediate or personal conduct of super- vision than to direct." There are number of verses that would give us a scriptural basis, namely: (Psa 32:8; Prov. 3:5,6; John 16:12; James 1:5,6 Prov. 16:9; Psa. 119:105; II Cor. 5:10; Rom 14:12; Psa 37:23; Col. 4:12)
Then there are a number of reason why giving guidance (or counseling) is difficult. 1). There are those with physical afflictions. When a believer is undergoing physical suffering and is ill, the mind is often effected also. He is apt to become depressed and have no incentive to even make a decision that should or needs to be made. Then, 2) many who are saved people are carnal in life and action. When a believer is not in correct relationship to the Holy Spirit and to the Lord in a life of surrender there cannot be a guiding work of the Spirit to that believer's life. God cannot guide "with HIS eye" if the believer's eye is not on Him. Guidance requires that the saved person be filled with, controlled by the Spirit (Eph. 5:18) because the carnal man cannot receive the things of the Spirit. (I Cor. 2:10-3:3) Lastly 3) immaturity often leads to hasty decisions. Or, on the other hand, when an individual has been "burnt" by making a hasty decision, he tends to react the other way and be over cautious. This may result in an inability to make decisions.
In all of this the counselor must be careful that they are not making the decision for the counselee, that may be exactly what the client wants so they are relieved of any personal responsibility. The counselor must determine what may be the factor(s) that causes poor ability to make decisions. We must give aid to this person we are seeking to help so they can make their own decisions.
In this general introductory section on giving help and guidance we would make a number of suggestions to the counselor (or parent, teacher, etc.) that would give aid in helping others.
1. Help the counselee to realize that God is able, and willing to guide in making decisions. (Psa. 37:23; Eph. 5:10; 6:6; 5:17)
2. Help the counselee to recognize that God gives peace when one is in His will.
(Col. 3:15, 4:12)
3. One must help the client or counselee to understand himself; his basic insecurities, and inferior feelings which tend to make him hesitant to decide anything. These must be traced to the source, and overcome so that a valid decision can be made.
4. The person must seek to be subject to the Word of God. For he must accept God's will therein as it speaks directly to his problem or lays down principles related to it.
5. You might need to help the person write down the problem and issues if necessary, writing down every alternative, listing the advantages and disadvantages for each aspect, being objective while doing it. Decisions must be made on the basis of accurate facts rather than emotional experiences.
6. The counselee must be encouraged to take a long range view into all that will be involved in the future by his decision, the right one cannot be sacrificed for the easy one.
7. The person should be encouraged to never look for some special sign or revelation; or make a hasty decision, but to remember that guidance is based on Rom. 12:1,2, Heb. 12:1,2; Col. 2:6,7 and I Cor. 10:31.
We must remember that God is sovereign. The concept of the sovereignty of God is a Biblical orientation that we need. It means that He not only has a broad plan for the whole universe through all the ages, but also a detailed plan or blue-print for the life of each of His children. God's will for each believer is good, acceptable, and also perfect.
As we give guidance and counseling the counselee must also know and embrace the fact of God's sovereign will. There must be a submission to God's Word and a willingness to submit to His direction and plan for the life. So many Christians are caught in the chains of aimlessness, senseless-ness, negativeness, and self-willed living.
We must be sure that they are truly saved, and are seeking to live by the grace of God, through faith in daily life. We must be positive as we work with them, helping them to know and embrace the mighty power of God that is available for daily life and living.
BASICS IN THE ART OF COUNSELING
What is counseling? It is helping the person to see himself; to give direction and help the person to see himself and then to succeed in finding Biblical answers for his problem.
There are a number of things that we must succeed in doing: namely, the following, as we give these things in a brief form:
1. Help the counselee to get insight into his problem.
2. Help the person to get a wide range of information about himself; we are not to project our own ideas but to lead them to Biblical truth, and to an understanding of why they find themselves in their present problem.
3. We must help the counselee to develop judgment in finding the solutions to their problems.
4. The counselor must develop rapport, removing any barrier to a common ground in confidence, making identification with the person and their problem with much empathy.
5. There must be a greater willingness to listen with the heart than an eagerness to hear for the sake of knowing facts about the person.
6. There must be an emphasis upon objectivity, looking for facts without personal emotional reaction or overdue emotional involvement ourselves. In all of this there must be frankness without bluntness, trust-worthiness and confidence keeping.
7. The counselor must know the person's interests and understand his background.
8. The counselor must thoroughly understand the basic principles of counseling, putting the problem in the center of the interview and keeping it there, and working toward a solution with that person.
9. The counselor must learn to keep an open mind on all questions and not profess to have all the answers because you don't. And whatever you do be human, be not above those you serve, but be sympathetic and understanding. You cannot afford to be preoccupied, for you must give full attention to the need at hand.
10. Don't expect perfection from yourself or from anybody else, you must also learn to fully face responsibility yourself, and help the person with whom you are laboring to face personal accountability and learn to make decisions.
11. Some general qualifications in counseling would include the following: spiritual mindedness; sincerity in action; understanding spirit; loving selflessness; patient in actions; empathy in action; interest in others; care for details; control of emotions; prayer warrior for many things will be won by prayer; and a confidence keeper.
In dealing briefly with basics, how does a person seek to help others. This would be based on the condition that you have their respect and confidence to the end that they want your help. All parents, teachers, pastors and workers in a church have counseling opportunities, as well as the person who is preparing for such "full-time" or part-time endeavor. We must make good accounting of such opportunities that are God given. Or we will have rendered lost all those that could have been ours to help because of our wrong actions, our hardness, our unrelenting attitudes, or maybe because our indifference, our neglect, our negativism or harshness.
To help them you might consider this brief listing, as we give these aspects along with the foregoing and following materials that go into far greater detail.
1. There must be recognition of problem, with the client giving fully and factually that the need really is that has brought them.
2. You need to make an observation and recall of all significant facts bearing on the problem.
3. The counselor must know the Word of God thoroughly, sensing Biblical answers as well as helping the person to understand the background of their problem, and how to deal with it.
4. There must a thorough diagnosis of the problem, assisting the individual to think for himself, and helping the client to see the solutions and how to apply Biblical principles. Home work (or whatever it is called) must be giving to help the person to overcome the problem at hand.
5. Lastly there must be follow-up to help them in the application of the Biblical answers, and the understanding of the personal changes they are willing and determined to bring about. This may necessitate many meetings to help them work through a difficult problem, and apply answers consistently so that permanent change can be effected.
GENERAL COUNSELING PRINCIPLES
• A counselor is a detective looking for clues which will reveal the underlying causes of the problem that the counselee or client has.
• A counselor is a teacher who teaches principles from the Word of God which, when followed, will help the person to take the steps necessary to eliminate the cause and solve his problems.
• A counselor is one who will keep the following principles in mind as he or she goes about working with the people in need.
1. Sin is at the root of most problems. The problem presented (the precipitating problem) is not usually the problem. Look for the cause which is the predisposing problem. The physical condition of a person may be a cause, like: hypoglycemia, anemia, etc. But most of the time it is basically a sin problem. Depression for example, if not physical, usually is caused by guilt feelings, bitterness or hatred, or in other words unresolved conflicts, which has brought further sinful responses.
2. The Word of God is sharp and powerful and when presented properly through preaching, teaching, or counseling, and applied to one's life by meditation will assure success and a well adjusted life. (Heb. 3:12; Psa. 1:1-3; Joshua 1:8,9;
Psa. 119:165; John 7:17)
3. A right self-concept is essential to a well adjusted life. (Psa. 139, Eph. 2:10; 1:6) Every Christian has certain gifts and talents given of God. (I Cor. 12:1-11) Finding one's gift through which God will use the person to glorify His name is essential to knowing God's will and having a good self concept.
4. A Spirit-filled Christian is a well adjusted person. (Gal. 5:22,23;
Eph. 5:18-21) A carnal Christian is a poorly adjusted Christian with all kinds of psychological problems, and will continue to have them until they are fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit. (Gal. 5:17-24; Eph. 4:30-32)
5. A servant attitude is basic to a well adjusted life and service for the Lord.
(Phi. 2:5-8) There is no limit to what you can do for the Lord if you don't care who gets the credit for it.
6. A well disciplined life (acting on principles rather than on feelings) is the foundation of character in every area of life. (Pro. 25:28; 16:32)
7. Rebellion against authority, coupled with discontent, is one of the key causes of many psychological problems. (I Tim. 6:1-6)
8. Envy and strife in the heart causes confusion in the mind which results in evil actions. (James 3:14-16) The Devil is always trying to disrupt Christians and the gospel work.
9. Sex sins have the most devastating psychological effects as indicated in I Cor. 6:18. Learning how to possess ones vessel in honor, sanctification, and holiness prevents corruption and improves your potential for a happy married life.
(I Thess. 4:1-7)
10. The basic love relationship of children to parents is fundamental to all other love relationships. Meditate on I John every day for 30 days.
11. A double mindedness causes instability, indecisiveness and confusion. (James 1:8) Some steps for decision making are:
1) What choices do I have? 2) How much time do I have?
3) What further information do I need? 4) What does the Bible say about it?
5) Decide, then act, on the decision.
12. Dreams, some feel, are God's means of channeling off corruption and cleaning out our minds. Don't try to remember and don't analyze your dreams, but instead, thank God that your mind is being cleared of the corruption.
13. Work at building new habits. Sinful habits can be broken. You will note more materials about this very important aspect elsewhere in this handbook. Sin must be confessed, forsaken, and we must set goals for victory over sin.
14. Christians must learn how to resist the devil. Confess sin. (I Jh 1:7,9) In the name of Christ stand against the devil. (Luke 10:17; Eph. 6) Stand by the power of the blood. (Rev. 12:11) (Is. 51:19; James. 4:7; I Peter 5:7-9)
THE COUNSELING INTERVIEW BRIEFLY VIEWED
1. Proper timing can produc