Evaluation Questions To
Help a Couple!
By Dr. Edward Watke Jr.

(Questions to stimulate discussion and understanding of
one another as husbands and wives. . . in eight different areas of life.)

Introduction:

• In building a house there must be a thorough evaluation of everything as a house is being built, in a similar way we need to check up on our marriage and look at what is taking place in our relationships.

• In the house building process, there are periodic inspections through the process. At each step the city inspector evaluates whether or not the work is up to standard. Do we analyze our daily life and look at reality?

A. It is good when in marriage we have periodic inspections to insure our relationship is headed in the right direction.

1. In a house a short can develop in the electrical wiring or a major plumbing problem can arise before we see the need to correct the damage inside the walls.

2. So in marriage, we may have things gradually happening that need to be looked at. Possibly some damaging attitudes are allowed to remain in life?

3. Maybe some things we never have considered from the past impact what is happening today. Possibly some things have been covered for years.

B. We will be looking at things that conditioned you for today
and what you facing presently!

Considering the Questions

• Take time to sit down privately and answer the questions.
• Then sit down with your mate or prospective mate and go on an expedition together.
• Your talking probably will stimulate more questions.
• Share your feelings as much as possible.
• Have your partner repeat back to you what he (or she) has heard you say.

Finally, discuss ways to come to better understanding about how you both want these areas in your relationship changed or improved. Consider together what the Word of God says with the intent to obey it. Be specific and set some goals.

Dealing With Conflict:

1. How did your parents deal with conflict? ___________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. When conflict arose in your family, what happened (silence, withdrawal, anger, open discussion, etc.)? _____________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. How was conflict resolved? _______________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. Did one parent always seem to “win in the end”? _____________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Parenting:

1. How was love demonstrated in your own family of origin? ____________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. How were you disciplined? _______________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. Was the discipline harsh or suited to the offense?_____________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. Did you live up to your parents’ expectations? _______________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Finances:

1. How did you learn about money management? ______________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. Who took primary responsibility for money matters in your home? What significant patterns do you have today that reflect your family’s view of finances? _____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. What was your family’s philosophy or motto regarding money (not what was said, but what was lived)? ___________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Sexual Aspects:
1. Was appropriate physical affection shown in your family?_____________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. Was sex a taboo subject? _________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. How were nudity and sexual issues handled? ________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. What was the underlying tone in your home regarding sex and your sexuality? ____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Communication:

1. Was it safe to talk about feelings in your own home? __________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. Who was the communicator in your family? ________________________

3. Were you expected to “read minds”?(explain)________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. Could you express your emotional needs and receive proper response?
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

In Laws/Extended Family:

1. What role did your grandparents play in your family?________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. Was your family loyalty important?_______________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. Were there family secrets that were forbidden subjects?_______________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________




4. Who, besides your parents, could you go to for support and understanding?
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Recreation:

1. Was having fun as a family “legislated” in your home? _______________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. Did you vacation as a family?____________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. Was it an enjoyable experience? __________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. What family experiences stand out in your mind? ___________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

5. Was recreation a leisurely experience or just another arena for competitiveness? ______________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Spiritual:

1. How was God’s character portrayed in your family? __________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. What did you learn, sense, or feel as to what God the Father is like from the pattern you saw in your earthly father? ________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. Was tradition more important than true relationship with God?
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. What one significant message about yourself and about God did come out of childhood believing? ____________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

5. Do you feel a true sense of God’s acceptance and love? _________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________


Results:

• You may be surprised at the differences between your and your spouse.

• You may find that many of your present responses, attitudes, and reactions to life were programmed during your childhood and teen years. They are learned responses to which you still respond.

• You may become aware that much of your anger, frustration, and misunderstanding of one another is at the core of the areas considered above.

• You also may become aware that much of your parenting has been done from the responses you had toward life as you grew up.

• And that much of the time the parenting is (was) from the negative, failing side of things in your own life and how you viewed life in general.


Things You Need to Consider and Change:

1. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
6. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

7. _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Revival In the Home Ministries... Dr. Edward Watke Jr. #.