BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES FOR MOLDING CHILDREN

Parent’s Idea NOTEBOOK
By Dr. Edward Watke Jr.

Biblical Principles For Molding Children’s Lives


Lesson One

“Training the Child Without Causing Rebellion!”

Foundation Biblical Portions to Consider: Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21; Prov. 23:10-26

Introduction:
1. Some would read Ephesians 6:4, “Provoke not your children to wrath, don’t discipline them for this will make them angry, so don’t do it.”

2. Do discipline them, but don’t provoke them to wrath in the process, is what God is saying to the parent.

3. Sometimes children feel provoked when we discipline them, but that is because the way we carry out the discipline.

• In Colossians 3:21 we read, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

• God is warning us not to discipline in such a way that we will provoke our child to wrath on one hand, or that we discourage them, and break their spirit on the other hand.

• To not provoke to wrath is a real, God-given, vital warning.

Prov. 25:28; 16:32; 22:24


I. DISCIPLINE IN ANGER PROVOKES !

1. What happens when someone flies at you in anger?

a. Does an angry spirit immediate rise within you?

b. Does wrath or anger beget anger?

c. When you discipline in anger or wrath and display such, your children will react the same way.



• When they get older they will be wrathful, revengeful, angry.

• They will not have respect and honor toward you.

2. Illustration of a father:

B. What is the purpose of discipline, why do it?


1. Poor, sinful reasons:
a. Is it because in our selfishness, we want freedom, release from being
bothered?

b. It is because we are exasperated, and have had enough?

c. It is because we are tired ourselves, or had a bad day?

d. It is because we are prone to impatience and anger?

If done because you are exasperated, maybe you get exasperated too much, or maybe not enough?

2. Biblical, good reasons:

a. Because we want to build character.

b. Because we want to teach self-control, patience.

c. Because we want to teach obedience, respect and honor.

d. Because if they don’t obey us, they won’t obey God either.

You ought to have certain rules in your house, to teach character, to teach honestly, promptness, dependability, to finish the job, (Basic character traits.)
You bring punishment because certain rules, laws of the home you set up have been broken and punishment must be meted out.
Carry out discipline because of a problem in the child’s life (youth) not on the basis of your temper.


II. DISCIPLINE WITHOUT PRAISE PROVOKES:
(I Thess. 2:6-7; I Cor. 13:1-8; Jh 13:34-35; Heb. 12:5-15; Rom. 13:7-8; 12:10, 15)

Some of our children live in homes where -- If they do something wrong -- they will get it, but if they something right, they are pretty sure that no one will even notice it.” That is wrong.

Illustration of woman with show-dogs:

A. Much praise ought to be given for what is good, right.

1. Maybe you will have to really look for the praise-worthy things.

2. Praise will often get good results, while ridicule, scorn, etc., will bring
sad results in the child’s life.

3. Praise lifts the spirit, creates a desire to improve, excel, to receive more
praise.

B. Giving admiration, and appreciation will often bring a change of heart in
the recipient.

1. Unthankfulness, lack of appreciation, etc., can cause the child to give
up, to be discouraged, remorseful, if not angry and rebellious.

2. It takes a heap of patience, and ability to have the l o n g v i e w p o i n t!

3. So praise them for their efforts, and accomplishments.


IIIL DISCIPLINE WITHOUT CONSISTENCY PROVOKES:
James 1:5-8 (inconsistency, hypocrisy and changeableness provokes)

Illustration of a school band-master:


A. We vary in our moods - Phil. 4:8-9; Deut. 6:4-9

1. Some times we punish too hard, feel guilty --

a. so then we try to make up for this by leniency,

b. then, we don’t like the result from this reaction so we swing back to
harshness, hardness, etc.

2. Sometimes we are tired, we allow ourselves to over-react.

a. We use a sledge hammer on a thumb tack issue,

b. We blow up, or maybe try ignoring, etc.

3. Sometimes company comes and we react inconsistently

a. depending how we think the company might react,

b. what relatives, friends might think, etc.

B. We vary as parents how we deal with things:

1. Children learn who is the light touch,

a. who they can control, or b. manipulate

2. Maybe one parent seldom disciplines, but when they do -- they do
it furiously.

3. The other parent, who is weak, (has a poor idea of love)

a. maybe sympathizes with the child,

b. feels the child has been treated too harshly,

c. sides with the child. (You will produce warped children)



4. Parent you must:

a. agree, work out things when you disagree, but do it when children
are not in ear-shot.

b. Discuss, pray over, come to a united agreement, support one another.

c. Explain to the children together -- the family rules, the game plan,
so they know what to expect, and then be unitedly consistent.

d. MOM-- you had better agree with dad, even you don’t agree. . . give a
united front.

C. Write down your rules -- post them -- don’t have to many.

1. Write them, decide what they will be, keep them.

2. They child (s) need to know the boundaries.

3. Build a good routine as a family.


IV. PARENTS “EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL” PROVOKES:
Col. 3:8-12; Eph. 4:30-32; 5:1-2;

We have: We need : (Eph. 4:31- 5:2)
fighting, scrapping, A Removal of that which Destroys a home: 4:31
back-biting, screaming, A Restoration of that which Blesses a home: 4:32
criticizing, arguing, An Imitation of that which Hallows a home: 5:1-2
cutting up one another,
gripping, scorn, contempt, wrath, anger, unforgiveness, resentments, etc.


1. Children become very discouraged, resentful, worried, rebellious,
and many of them give up.

2. They see no answer; they wish they could help their parents, and often
they feel accountable for parents separation and divorce.

3. Don’t forget to admit when you are wrong and ask them for forgiveness.

a. Confess personal sin that effects them.

b. Be quick to make amends,
James 5:16; Lk 17:3-4; Prov. 28:13; 16:2; 21:2


V. NOT FORGIVING PROVOKES:
Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:12-14; Matt. 18:

See special study on forgiveness!






VI. A CRITICAL SPIRIT PROVOKES:
II Tim. 2:3-6;

A. Reactions we allow in our lives:

1. We readily degrade, belittle them when correcting them. Matt 18:

2. We are prone to be abusive, talk down to them.

B. The selective memory we have at the time.

1. We ask more of them than they are able to give.

2. We forget they are only children and we have a tendency to talk of our
own childhood with glowing words of our well doing.

3. We make it appear as if we were better than our own child.
I Cor. 13:11; Eph. 4:29, 31; Prov. 15:1


VII. CHANGING RULES, STANDARDS WITHOUT REASON PROVOKES:

A. We need to remember the rules we are applying.
If we must change the rules, explain why, etc.
B. We must be consistent.

C. We need to help them succeed.

a. Say what we mean and mean what you say.

b. Don’t fail to help them know what you want or expect.
Prov. 1:8; 6:20-23

VIII. EXPECTING PERFECTION PROVOKES:

A. Expect your child (teen) to make mistakes.

1. Give them right to fail.

a. With that teach personal accountability. Gal. 6:7-9

b. Teach: “Your choice will always have results . . . you can make your choices, but you can’t choose the results or consequences that may
go with your choice.”

B. You must accept them for what they are -- your children.

We tend to fail to give them acceptance or give them time for maturity and growth.

C. Things we need to do:

1. Do allow them to share their hearts, their burdens, concerns and frustrations.

2. Give them compassion, a listening heart, and enter into their hurts.

3. Do take time to meet their needs. Recognize their interests, burdens, and concerns are as real to them as yours are to you.

1. You can teach your child to obey the first time spoke to. . . without building rebellion.

2. You are training the child to obey or to disobey.

3. You are teaching obedience or disobedience.

4. Make it a rule -- if you have to say it twice, (after very carefully telling the child) there will be punishment the second time that you say it.


5. Teach, training must be done with consistency. . . that is the way you --

a. build their consistent habits,

b. build their consistent thoughts about expectations,

c. build their consistent expectations if they deliberately disobey.

• Parents have some definite, important duties in the rearing their children.

• God states these very clearly and fully. (Eph. 6:4; Read Proverbs chapters
two, three, four, five and six.... look for directives.)

• These duties are basically two-fold -- discipline and admonition. (Eph. 6:4)

• All training and molding is done from the perspective of our understanding about the need of a child’s (youth) heart.

• If you do not agree with what God says about our hearts then you will naturally approach discipline from the world’s viewpoint rather than God’s.

• What do we hear parents, grandparents say about newborns? What do we truly understand as to the condition of the heart of the newborn?


I. THE STATE OF A CHILD’S (youth) HEART:
Jere. 17:9; Rom. 7:18; 8:5-8; Psa. 58:3; 51:5; 19: 139:23-24

Illustration of what people say about newborns:

A. The Humanistic viewpoint:

1. The child is inherently so good, so pure, --

a. that if we just shelter him from the evil influences of this world, and

b. give him the right environment he will be certain to turn out well.

2. If we just give the child the right experiences --

a. he will become all that we see in the initial sweetness, etc.

b. He just needs to be given all the rights he deserves.

3. The child is so sweet, pure, unassuming, etc., we just need--

a. to allow the child to express himself, so the good on the inside can
come out.

b. “My, it will be lovely, for he is so pure and innocent.”
These are cherished falacies of humanism and of modern education.

B. The Biblical Viewpoint:

1. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Prov. 22:15

a. Does not mean some practical jokes, or fun.


b. Means in the Hebrew: “the desire to be first; to be chief; to control others, to have my own way.”

c. This is the self-will of a child; it is in conflict with the will of the parent, and that Psal is in conflict with the will of God.

d. When a child is born there is a universal defect -- a sin nature:
Eph. 2:1-3; Rom. 7:18; Jere. 17:9

e. So the child without instruction, will lie, hate, be selfish, stubborn,
for these things are bound up in the heart of a child.

2. How you handle a child, depends upon:

a. Whether you hold to the humanistic viewpoint, or the biblical.

b. When you accept spiritual truth or disagree with the state of your
child’s heart, and your own for that matter.

c. IF you agree with God, then you will realize that the very foundation of discipline will dependent upon your viewpoint of the heart.

C. The Parent’s responsibility:

1. Our discipline is to help the child bring correction into his life.

a. Prov. 22:15 “But the rod of correction, will drive it (foolishness) far from him.”

b. Parental discipline is to be a help to purify the child’s nature;
help him curb sin.

c. Parental discipline is to mold the will of the child--

• help drive self-will from the child

• that his will comes under the control of those in authority.

d. Discipline is expected by God to drive the foolishness far from the
child.

• That the foolishness won’t be a curse to him all his days.

• That he will be broken about lies, disobedience, etc.

• We can expect these things to be in the heart unless curbed from the beginning of the child’s life:

-- self-will, -- self-determination outside God’s will and best; -- rebellion, -- stubbornness, -- disobedience, -- temper, -- hatred, etc.

2. Parent’s discipline must begin early: Prov. 19:18

a. The will of the parent is to supervise the will of the child (youth).

b. The child;s will is pitted against the parents at a very early age, (6 wks)

c. The purpose is to drive out the effect of the sin nature;

• to drive out of the heart the unrestricted manifestation
of the self-will of the child.

• to bring a molding of the will to submissiveness.

3. The parent’s purpose must be clear:

a. Prov. 16:32; 25:28

b. Col. 4:2; Eph. 5:17; 6:6; Col. 1:9

c. Psa. 127:3,4


II. PRINCIPLES, IDEAS ABOUT DISCIPLINE OF A CHILD:

A. Let the child know you represent GOD in the execution of discipline.

1. The parent is the minister of God to execute His judgment.

2. God requires you to punish the child, carry out discipline; to have him do right.

3. That you, as the parent, are under higher authority than your own to
have the child obey and do right.

a. Col. 3:20; Eph. 6:1-3

b. Who is accountable to train the child? Parents, you are!

c. If, as a parent, you do not mold the child to obey you -- you are
disobeying God yourself; you are rebelling against God.


B. Build a blessed, close relationship with the child:

1. That the worse part of spanking, or correction ought to be:

a. the broken fellowship between the parent and the child,

b. the sense the a loss of being in the good graces of the parent.

2. The child should dread displeasing the parent.

3. The child should dread the spanking as well.

4. The fellowship ought to be so sweet, so tender, so precious and so happy that the severance of that itself is terrible punishment for the child to endure.

C. The punishment should be far in excess of the pleasure enjoyed by the
child when doing wrong.

The child ought to sense that he is always the loser by far -- that the discomfort will be so multiplied that soon he will have forgotten the pleasure derived from doing wrong.

Lesson Three

“The Practice of Unconditional Love!”

Scriptural Texts: Eph. 3:16-19; 13:1; Jh 15:9; 13:34-35; 17:24; I Jh 3, 4
Jude

• God’s love is a love without conditions.

• Biblical love is an unconditional love, it should not be measured by the responses we get, for we basically respond to others who respond to us.

• Most often the giving of love is based on performance, or on that which pleases, or is most attractive.

What are the prerequisites of good child rearing?

• First and foremost is the home and the relationships of the home.

• That takes primacy over all others including the parent-child relationship.

• The child’s security is largely dependent upon the quality of the marital bond.

I. THE EXPRESSION OF LOVE IN THE HOME: (Jh 13:1; 17:26; I Jh 3:11, 15, 23)

A. Love must be communicated even if it is difficult for some.

1. That is not the easiest thing for everyone to do.

2. We may feel the love within, but find it very hard to express that love.

3. Men communicate primarily on an intellectual (cognitive level) level and like to deal mainly with factual data. (Illustration)

a. These people find it difficult to be warm, supportive of their spouses
and their children.

b. These find it difficult to share emotional, feeling oriented conversation.

B. Women, particularly, desire to share feelings, especially to their spouses.

1. They are more concerned about the emotions that involve divisions, anger, resentments, etc.

2. Women usually are more concerned about the atmosphere of tensions between husband and wife.

C. There is a great need of expressed love between parents.

1. The husband must take the responsibility to initiate love in the home.


2. Husbands who have found the secret of giving love are to be envied, for
a wife will amplify it many fold and reflect it back to him and the children.


D. Honeymoon love (unconditional love) must continue.

1. What is true of honeymoon love? I Cor. 13:4-7

2. It is not, “If you loved me, you’d ____________!” What is in it for me? -- seems to be the concern of most!

3. Unconditional love is not conditional. . . or based on:

a. performance b. age c. weight d. mistakes

d. service given e. _____________?

4. Children need to see love -- between parents, unconditional love, and
and atmosphere of loving, mutual ministering to one another.


II. EXPRESSION OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO OUR CHILDREN:

• The foundations of a solid relationship with our child is unconditional love.

• Real, biblical love is unconditional. Only that kind of love can assure a child of growth in every way and help him to come to his full potential.

• Only God’s kind of love can prevent problems such as feelings of resentment
bitterness, being unloved, rejection, fears, or insecurity.


A. What is Unconditional Love as shown to a child?

1. It is loving a child -- no matter what.

a. No matter what the child looks like -- size, shape, etc.

b. No matter his assets, liabilities, or handicaps.

2. We must love the child, while at the same time we may thoroughly
dislike his behavior at that point.

I must remind myself:

• They are my children; • They will act like children,

• Much childish behavior will be unpleasant;

• I will love in spite of behavior;

• If I love them only when they please me -- they will never feel
genuinely loved.

• If I love, unconditionally, they will turn their anxieties into maturity --
and become mature in handling them.

• If I only love them when they meet my requirements all they get
is negativism -- and they will be insecure.

B. How do children respond?? -- by and in their feelings!


1. Where do you find them on the chart? Way over on the left, why?

2. A child comes into their world with an amazing ability to perceive emotionally.

3. The child is so sensitive to the feelings of his mother and those close to him.

4. Consider a child at birth:

a. Their communication with the world is solely on feelings.

b. They are extremely sensitive emotionally.

c. Their first impressions with the world are through their feelings.

d. This is wonderfully, and yet frightening.

e. A child’s emotional being determines how he sees his world --
his parents -- his home -- himself.

f. Does he see his world -- rejecting, unloving, uncaring, hostile, etc.

• If it is the above -- then his greatest enemy is anxiety,

• Then he can even be harmed in speech ability, behavior,
ability to relate and to learn.

5. A child is continually asking, by his behavior?

a. Do you love me? b. He often asks by his actions, and we answer the
same way. c. Do we understand his need?

Illustration -- tank of love to be filled!

C. Children reflect love, they do not at first give love.

1. They are mirrors; they reflect love; they do not initiate it.

2. If much love is given, much love will be returned.

3. Unconditional love is reflected unconditionally, and conditional
love is reflected conditionally.


III. HOW TO SHOW UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO YOUR CHILDREN:
• Remember that children are emotional beings who communicate emotionally.

• They use behavior to translate their feelings to us. . . and it is easy to tell how
a child is feeling and the frame of mind he is in simply by watching him.

• Children have an uncanny ability also to recognize our feelings by our behavior and this ability most people lose by the time they reach adulthood.

A. Eye contact --a means of showing unconditional love:
Psa. 34:15; 32:8; 33:18;

1. Give eye contact every time you speak to them, if at all possible.

2. God sees us... illustration... keeps His eyes on us because of His love.

3. Wrong type of eye contact:

a. in anger, hate, rage, resentments etc.

b. disapproval and dislike, for too often we only look at the child when we want to show disapproval.

4. Eye contact is a body language all its own --

a. It is a form of communication --

b. use your eyes to show love, approval, acceptance, etc., even though
you may also be applying discipline.

B. Physical contact of love:

1. Carefully given, 2. purposefully given, 3. consider age, etc.

C. Focused Attention -- unhurried attention:

1. quantity of time 2. quality of time 3. sacrifice of time

4. Child senses being love, desired, accepted.

5. Made to feel special, value part of the family, as a team, unit.

6. Keep the doors of communication open -- you must win and keep the hearts.


IV. HAVING YOUR CHILD’S HEART -- or the loss of the heart!

• In a former lesson we saw the Biblical truth of the condition of a child’s heart.

• We all are born with a congenital, self-will problem. In discipline we are seeking to purify that child’s nature.

• Maybe the saddest words in the Bible are the words of King David when he cried out, “Absalom, my son, Absalom, would to God I had died for thee.”
David had failed his son as many parents possibly fail their children today.

• If children do not obey their parents, how will they obey God? How soon does God want us to obey Him?

• The sin nature problem is seen early in the child’s life. The problems of self- will begin early and the solution is to begin early.

• One of the most outstanding sins among Fundamental Christian families today is the lack of obeying the Scriptures concerning discipline.

• Biblical discipline is clearly commanded by God. Eph 6:4; Prov. 23:13-14;
Prov. 20:31; 23:22; 19:17; 22:15

• Biblical truth must be understood, applied, and lived out in daily life so we will have the blessing of the Lord. Prov. 23:13-14

• The chief purpose of discipline is to secure the spiritual welfare of the child.

• How can you deliver a child’s soul from hell? -- only by breaking his rebellious well so that the child has a submissive will and thus puts himself
under the authority of God as well as parents.


I. PREVENTIVE DISCIPLINE:

• Discipline must be recognized as being much more than spanking, or corporal punishment.

• There is so much more taught in Scripture. In fact the impact of the Word of God in the life ought to be first and foremost that which builds character and molds the life.

• See Prov. 1:2-9; 2:1-11; 3:1-4; 21-23;

4:1-5; 10-14; 20-23; 6:20-23; 7:1-3; 13:1,13; 15:32-33

A. Before the fact of sin, before the failure -- mold with the Word of God:

1. We could spare ourselves and our child much grief, sorrow, failure, and
heartache if we would teach the Word of God in such a way as to change the life of our child (s).

2. We should so teach, instruct, and perfect the child that he or she would be spared much sin and wrong.


B. Give Instruction: (Consider the lives of Joseph, Moses, Samson, Daniel)

1. Train up in the admonition of the Lord, Eph. 6:4

2. Bring them up to live the Word of God. Consider Psalm 78:1-8.

C. Build convictions in the child’s life.

1. Before the time of temptation comes.

2. Before peer pressures are experienced in the life.

3. Before they are in school.

D. Bring about inner resolves to do right.

1. By parental example in daily life,

2. By daily application of the Scriptures,

3. By teaching a prayer life and by Scripture memory.



II. CORRECTIVE DISCIPLINE:

• The Word of God was given for: doctrine, reproof, correction,
for instruction in righteousness. II Tim. 3:15-16

• Here we are considering corrective discipline whereby the Word of God is taught in such a way that the child desires to correct his or her life.

• Consider Prov. 15: 5, 32; 29:15, 17; Jer. 17:9; Isa 53:5-6; Psa. 119:9-11

A. Because of the sin nature the child must learn to correct their lives.

1. By repentance, confession and forsaking sin. Prov. 28:13; I Jh 1:6-2:2

2. By personally judging their own sins, asking for forgiveness,

a. getting right with others, and

b. making decisions to bring personal change. I Cor. 11:31-32

3. By helping the child to bring about personal resolve to do right --

a. by our instruction, teaching, and living the Word of God ourselves,

b. by our daily praying with them, helping them to actually apply the
principles and truths of the Word of God to their selves, daily.

• by reproof, rebuking, exhorting the child with the Word of God.

• II Tim. 3:15-16; Rom. 12:1-2; Titus 2:11-14; Rom. 6:16-17
III. PUNITIVE DISCIPLINE:

• When it comes to corporal punishment spanking is what God tells us to do.

• There are other forms of punishment that the parent may well use, but spanking is God’s directive given to the parent.

• God knows how we are made. While parents have a reason to carry out various means of punishment -- God does not direct us to send them to bed without a meal, or set them in a corner, etc., but to carry out the use of the rod.

A. Spanking will work:

1. We often hear parents say, “But spanking does not work.”

a. I think the problems is that did not do in the Scriptural way,

b. or they did not spank hard enough to get results.

2. Spanking will work, for God says so; He promises that it will work.

a. Who are we to say God is not right?

b. Have we embraced the ideas, teaching, philosophy of Dr. Spock and
others like him?

B. Spanking confronts self-will:

1. Prov. 22:15 -- Here we are taught that foolishness (self-will, desire to rule,
desire to be number one) is bound up in the heart of the child, but the
rod of correction will drive it far from him. Prov. 20:30; 23:22; 19:17

2. When should we use spanking?

a. When we are faced with self-will or rebellion.

b. When we are faced with defiance, and deliberate disobedience.

c. When the child is responding with a bad attitude, disrespect for authority, sassing, etc.

3. When should we forego spanking?

a. When the child is just being a child.

b. When it is obviously a childish behavior -- forgetting, dropping things,
neglecting, etc.

c. When they are manifesting an inability because they are yet children.

d. We must be able to correctly discern with it is deliberate disobedience and
when it is just a normal child’s behavior.

e. Spanking should primarily confront self-will and bad attitudes.




C. Spanking should match the wrong: Prov. 19:18; 28:25; 16:32

1. We must “chasten while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

2. They will learn to turn on the tears, to cry early and loud, hoping that you are persuaded before you even decide what to do, or before you had planned to quit.

3. Do not quit the spanking too soon or you will only arouse their anger and
not break the will.

4. It must far outweigh the pleasure from self-willed wrong doing.

5. Don’t spank for every little thing.


D. Spanking should be applied on the proper place:

1. Not slapping in the face, etc.

2. Not hitting, but spanking on the seat of learning.

3. Spanking on the reserved good place God has given.

4. Spank with something other than your hand.

5. If you do it in the wrong way, or unjustly, or angrily, YOU WILL --

a. stir up rebellion and resentment, and

b. cause a child to be hateful, spiteful, (if not at least discouraged and
remorseful).

6. To hit in the mouth is more the action of a fighter than a loving parent.

7. Never spank a moving object -- you can easily break a hand, etc.


E. Spanking ought to have a proper order:

1. An order of where, and how.

2. An order or process of what you do.

3. A set of rules that have to do with their cooperation.

4. Suggestions:


F. Spanking expresses parental love --

1. Prov. 13:24 -- A common cop-out among parents is : “I don’t want to spank my child, I love him (her) too much to hurt him.”

2. Girls have self-will just as boy do, and what applies to one applies to the other. Sometimes moms have a wrong belief system especially about girls.


3. Discipline is an express of love.

a. A disciplined child is a well-adjusted child -- he knows someone cares
b. He knows that someone will make him obey, and he knows that somebody loves him enough to make him obey.

Illustrations and comments:


Illustration -- words of Brooks, 1850 --

It is far easier to discipline when the child is young, and to bend and break the will, than to break the child with thrashings when the child is nearly grown and out of control. In fact then most parents give up, or feel that spankings will not avail. Also then they may fear the state and what they teach about child-abuse.

We must mold the life for God.... most of it ought to be done by the time the child is seven.

Conclusions:

1. The rod and reproof give wisdom (Prov. 29:15) for reproof is explaining, and
rebuking sin.

2. We must explain what is wrong, why it is wrong, and then seek to bring
about preventive discipline.

a. This is done by teaching, rebuking, and

b. exhorting, and seeking to prevent further sinning and wrong.

3. These two should be joined together -- rod and reproof -- these will give wisdom, but a child left to himself will bring shame to the parents.

4. Either the child will cry now, or you will cry later. That is exactly what the Word of God is saying.

5. Leave the child to his own indulgent way and some day you will be
brought to grief and shame. The child living his self-willed life will bring
damage, despair, frustration and anguish of heart.

6. Disciplined children will generally endeavor to take care of Dad and Mom, but most often indulged children will put them some where and forget about them.

7. The child will soon discover whether you are disposed to yield or to rule in your home.

8. Without wise and firm control the parent is miserable and the child
is ruined.

Lesson Five

“Training By Biblical Admonition!”

• We have shared some about training children in corrective discipline and now we want to go further in the great subject.

• God commands the father to “bring them (children) up in the nurture (discipline) and in the admonition of the Lord” Eph. 6:4.

• We read books on operating a computer, on gardening, wood-working, and
a host of other things -- to what extent do we read good books on training
up children for God??

• A mother may take better care of her house, garden, or flower beds than she does her own children.

• A father may take more time with his livestock, and know more about them than how to rear his own children. How sad!

• The Christian method of training children is just as clearly given as other directions in the Christian life. . . but it is very much neglected and disregarded.


I. GOD COMMANDS THE FATHERS -- TO TRAIN IN THE ADMONITION OF
THE LORD.

• If training had no influence, God never would have commanded it.
(Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4) But God clearly directs the fathers.

• Christian parents are not left to their own wisdom in this important task.

• God’s Word very clearly prescribes the method we are to use.

A. God trains His own children -- by admonition:

1. God admonished Moses about the building of the tabernacle.
Compare Exodus 25 - 36; and Hebrew 8:5.

2. In a similar way, God uses His Word to admonish us.
Consider I Cor. 10:11; II Tim. 3:16-17; Psa. 32:8; Rom. 15:4

B. We are to practice brotherly admonition to the saved around us --

1. when they are failing in their walk with the Lord,

2. when we see someone falling into sin, Gal. 6:1-4

Consider Col. 3:16; Rom. 15:14-15; II Thess. 3:15; Gal. 6

3. We are instructed to admonish a disobedient brother to try to get him
to see the error of his way, to repent, obey the Lord, and change.



C. Fathers are to use admonition to mold a child’s life.

Eph. 6:4; Prov. 22:6; all the texts of Proverbs given earlier. (pgs 16 and 17)


II. GOD GIVES EXAMPLES OF TRAINING IN THE ADMONITION OF THE LORD

A. Solomon admonished his sons:

1. Prov. 1:8-9; 2:1-5; 3:1-4; 4:1-4, 10-14; 6:20-23

2. There is a wealth of truth in the foregoing verses -- they ought to be
studied with great care. What do you find in:

a. Prov. 1:8-9 ________________________________________________________

b. Prov. 2:1-5 ________________________________________________________

c. Prov. 3:1-4 ________________________________________________________

d. Prov. 4:1-4 ________________________________________________________

e. Prov. 4:10-14 _____________________________________________________

f. Prov. 6:20-23_____________________________________________________

B. Joshua admonished the nation of Israel as he spoke to the men as a
father to a son. Joshua 24:14-25


III. GOD GIVE US DIRECTIVES IN THE PRACTICE OF ADMONITION:
Deut. 11:18-22;

A. What is the value of admonition?

1. What does it mean?
It means to set straight, to instruct, to warn, to remind us, to guide from error, to set forth the right, to teach “line upon line”, to rebuke, to bring about repentance and change.

2. It is clearly God’s way of instructing and guiding our lives. . .

a. by His work in our lives through the Scriptures, and

b. in the ministry of the Word to our children through the parents.

B. What is the source of admonition?

1. It must be the Word of God, it must be the thus saith the Lord.

2. Everything we will ever be depends upon the application of the Word of God in our lives.

3. Consider: Jh 5:39; Psa. 19; Psa 119; Rom. 10:17; Matt. 4:4;




C. What is the clear directive -- to train by admonition:

How we train up a child is clearly taught in the Word of God in
Deuteronomy 11:18-22.

1. “Lay up these my words in your heart” -- a command to parents (vs. 18)

a. We are saved by the Word, we grow by the Word, and are to live by the Word of God.

b. Christian character comes by the Word of God.

c. Study Rom 10:17; I Pet. 1:23; 2:2; II Pet 1:3-9; Matt. 4:4: Psa. 1:1-3.

d. Parents are to lay up God’s Word in their hearts -- memorizing it, meditating upon it, hiding it in the heart.

e. We can’t teach something we do not know.
Consider Prov. 4:23; Matt. 12:33-37; Prov. 23:7.

2. “ye shall teach them to your children” (vs. 19) a command to parents!

a. The Word of God hidden in the heart must flow out in loving instruction to the children. Consider Deuteronomy 31:12-13; 4:9; 5:29.

b. We must use every means to instill the principles of the Word into the hearts and minds of the youth.

c. It must be diligently taught -- giving practical application

• when we sit in the house, • when we walk by the way,

• when we lie down, • and, when we rise up.

d. There must be a definite time when we teach the Word of God to the family --

• it must be presented in all its beauty,

• it must be made attractive, blessed, and practical.


3. “write them upon . . . thy house.” (vs. 20)

a. What does this mean to us?

b. We must so live out the Word of God that it effects our lifestyle.

c. They were to inscribed the Word of God upon front lets, on wristbands, on items to put on the door posts, etc.

d. They did not have the written word to take home from feast days (like days of revival meetings , see Nehemiah chapter 8 and 9.)





e. The Word of God should effect or control our lifestyle:

• what we wear, • the music we listen to, • the mail we receive,

• the TV we watch • the things we read, • all our life!!

4. “ye shall diligently keep all these commandments.” (vs. 22)

a. We train a child by discipline, admonition, and especially by example.

b. Our example goes a long way in daily training and molding of a life.

c. The parent must diligently keep the Word of God in daily living.

d. It must be do as I do, not do as I say.

• We do not live in a disciplined age! In fact since the burn-in’s, set-in’s, and
love-in’s of the hippy days we have witnessed a rejection of authority and a break down of discipline in every area of our culture in America.

• What does God want in child discipline? Consider that as God disciplines His children we are to discipline ours.

• What does the Bible teach about disciplining a child? How should we handle children and our youth?

• We want to look further at this vast subject as we look at principles, ideals, and aspects not considered in the other lessons.


I. CONSIDERING WHAT DISCIPLINE IS:

A. It is “training --

1. “which corrects, molds, perfects, strengthens the person.”

2. “which brings about self-control and obedience to given standards.”

B. It is a learned pattern --

1. The child learns his pattern of obedience to God from the pattern of obedience to his parents.

2. If he is not taught to obey parents it will very hard from him to obey God or any other authority in his life.

C. It is leadership under authority --

1. for the parents are under higher authority than their own.

2. for discipline to be effective it must have authority behind it and God has given parents authority.

a. The authority of the Word of God should be the authority with which
parents lead.

b. Remember, parent, God is behind you; and more specifically the authority is in you, for He dwells in the saved.


3. The authority and power of the Lord should come through the --

a. voice and actions of the parents.

b. The dignity and poise of God should rest upon you in a way that commands obedience. You are His messenger and leader!


4. “God has not given us (the parents) the spirit of fear, but of power (His authority, and of love (His love) and of a sound mind (His wisdom to administer the authority and love” II Tim. 1:7.

5. Discipline is not just to punish the child for stepping out of line, but
especially to teach the child the way he ought to go.


II. CONSIDERING WHAT DISCIPLINE INVOLVES:

A. Discipline involves knowledge: The child must KNOW!

1. Commands and directions must be clear.

a. Be sure the child understands and that your commands or directions
are based upon Bible principles.

b. Disrespect, disobedience to direct commands and stubbornness are
serious.

c. Do not have too many commands, rules, or limitations. Make the
child keep what you do set. Keep your word.

2. Guiding children implies a purpose and a goal.

a. Comprehend God’s will and know what pleases Him. That comes from
much time in the Word of God. Eph. 5:17; 6:6; Col. 4:12; Psa 37:23

b. Know what molds the life of children. Understand them and the process of learning.

c. Children who live in an atmosphere of loving effort can survive many technical mistakes.

• Parenthood is a matter of feelings, dedication, loving concern,

• firm discipline, and enjoyment of the children.

• Forgiveness and openness are also so very important.

B. Discipline involves adult conviction: The child must FEEL!
Prov. 29:15; 29:17; Rev. 3:19; Romans, chapter 14

1. Convictions that are founded on the Word of God.


a. Because our purpose is to build character, our convictions must be
founded on the Word of God.

b. Convictions are those things we would die for, we will not compromise for we are willing to pay any price necessary to hold them.

2. Convictions about:

a. godliness b. honesty c. dependability d. thrift

e. God f. sin, repentance g. prayer h. dedication, etc.

3. Convictions we are willing to stand for: Eph. 6:10-14

a. We must be careful that we are not soft, and give in.

b. A child has the right to expect the parents know better than he and that they will lead the way.

c. He should expect the parents to have convictions strong enough to carry him along.

4. Convictions that come from the heart.

a. Actions and methods should arise internally.

b. What you do and the way you do it are a compound of your knowledge, your values, and your inner strengths.

C. Discipline involves supervision: The child must DO!
Phil. 2:13; 1:6; I Thess. 5:24;

1. As God supervises our lives, so the parent is to supervise the child’s
(or youth’s) life.

2. Training must be enacted by the parent, supervision must be performed.

3. Reasoning and telling only will not substitute for the supervision that
must take place.

D. Discipline involves limits: The child must SENSE!
I Thes. 5:22; Col. 3:17; I Cor. 10:31-32

1. There are necessary boundaries that God gives us for our well-being.

2. The parent must set boundaries for the child’s well-being.

3. Specific limits -- that are reasonable, enforceable, and God-honoring
must be set and applied.

E. Discipline involves help: The child must RECEIVE!

1. Help the child to understand the drive of the sin nature.

2. They must understand the way of salvation and of personal victory.

3. They must be taught all about temptation and how to over it.

4. They must learn how to pray, to walk with the Lord, and how to read
the Word of God to feed their own soul.

F. Discipline involves pressure: The child must RESPOND!

1. As God puts pressure on us often as we hear sermons, study the Word of God, so we must put pressure on the child, as led by the Holy Spirit.