Ready To Restore Others






Ready To Restore

Others!

• How do we help others?
• How can we personally grow?
• Do we understand the power of our thoughts?
• What are we doing to help others in the burdens and failures?


Written by Dr. Edward Watke Jr.
____________________________________________
This is material that has been used in counseling, it has been
preached and taught with great affect, and
has help people to bring change
in their lives.
___________________________________



Contents:

Ready to Restore. . . page 1 - 6

Our Thoughts and How They Effect Us!. . . page 7- 12

Do You Have the “Heart” of Your Child?. . . page 12-18

Implementing a Biblical Plan In Helping Others. . . 19-23



Ready to Restore

“How Can I Have a Part in Restoring Others?”

Counseling is an essential part of the Christian life.
In Proverbs 11:13 we are told that where no counsel is, the people perish, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Here we see the words counsel and counselors used together in one sentence. The Hebrew word from which these words are translated is used over seventy times in the Old Testament. It is a verb that means “to give counsel, to deliberate, to give purpose, or to determine.”

From a Christian perspective, with this definition we can say counseling is:
1) to deliberate over a problem, and
2) determine its cause, then
3) give a plan for the solution of that problem and an escape from its consequences.


The early church was made up of imperfect people. Sometimes we idealize the apostolic period. There were plenty of problems in the churches. (Consider the book of Galatians or I and II Corinthians.) Yet, they were urged to be involved in a restoration ministry. Such a ministry among God’s people is greatly needed today.


I. WE CAN SEE OTHERS CHANGED AND RESTORED. . . WHEN WE
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND THEIR GREAT NEED!

A. What Does it Mean to Bring About Restoration Through Change?
(Gal. 6:1)

1. It could be illustrated in mending torn fishing nets, or restoring a broken bone.

2. The torn net and the broken arm are of little value until restoration has taken place.

3. Restoration is the obligation of the Christian to his brother.
(Gal. 6:1-2; Col. 3:16; Col. 1:28-29)

4. All mature Christians do some counseling. If we are parents, or are involved in evangelism, discipling, etc., we will come in contact with many who have problems.

5. Because of love for the brethren (I Jh 3:16) we are to seek to restore them.

6. Love should be strong enough to cast out any fear. (I Jh 4:17-18)

7. Counseling is part of the ministry that God desires to do through us as a means for the church to build up itself in love. (Eph. 4:11, 12, 16).

B. What Can I Use to Bring About Restoration and Change?

1. You possess an all-sufficient and absolutely correct source of
information -- the Scriptures. God’s Word is sufficient for
counseling and molding a life. It is an inerrant text!

2. We must trust the Word of God as sufficient to solve the problems of
life. (II Pet. 1:3-4) God’s Word give us answers for every need!

3. The Word of God never becomes obsolete. It contains all that anyone
could ever need to live a life of godliness in every age and culture.


4. It is God’s revelation, and especially deals with all kinds of
interpersonal relationships.

5. It tells you how to relate properly to other people in ways that
glorify God. It tells us how to repair broken relationships.

a. This concern centers around children, spouses, parents, persons
at work, relatives, and ourselves.
b. In His Word, God gives us guidance for all kinds of personal
problems and needs.

C. Giving Biblical Teaching Is What God Desires!

1. Biblical teaching is teaching that conforms to the Holy Spirit’s
intention and plan in the use of the Bible.

a. Much of counseling is guiding the person into the knowledge
of God’s will, (Eph. 5:17; 6:6; Gal. 2:20; Lk 9:23; Jh 3:30), and
b. then doing the will of God as the Word of God is applied.
(Col. 4:12; James 1:21-22; Eph. 6:6; Jh 17:17)

2. Biblical teaching is sharing the whole counsel of God.
(Acts 20:27, 31; Lk 24:25-27; Jh 21:15-17- feed my sheep, feed my lambs)

3. Biblical teaching is teaching that grows in fullness and depth.
(II Tim. 2:15; II Tim. 3:16-17; Lk 24:15-17)

4. Biblical teaching in counseling involves explaining both --

a. the meaning of the verses, and
b. a discussion of how they relate to the counselee.
c. Christ spent much of His life teaching the Word, and in so doing
counseled many then, and now, as we apply his Words.

5. In counseling, Biblical teaching is clear, direct and to the point.
(Consider Col. 3:8-14; Eph. 4:17-32; I Thess. 5:11-24)

6. In counseling, our Biblical teaching will deal with sin, repentance, forgiveness, sanctification, and other doctrinal matters.
(See above texts and James 3:13-18.)

7. Biblical teaching through counseling promotes God’s glory.
(I Cor. 10:31-32; Eph. 1:12)

8. The Scriptures are sufficient to so change and enhance the mind
(thought), emotions (feelings), and behavior (actions) that a Christian
can properly adjust to a life of holiness.



9. God gave Joshua a three-point formula for prosperity
and good success. (Josh 1:8) (Study Psalm 19:7-10.)

a. _____________________________ b. _____________________________
c. ____________________________


II. WE CAN SEE OTHERS CHANGED AND RESTORED. . . WHEN THEY UNDERSTAND THE SPIRIT-FLESH MODEL:

A.
Problems are Caused by Sin, and by Guilt Resulting from Sinful Attitudes, Thoughts, and Behavior. (We MUST understand the following!!)

These sin problems are in direct violation of God’s standards as revealed in the Word of God. All people, including the saved have the flesh within that motivates them to sin (Gal. 5:16-26). The Christian also has the Holy Spirit within to give him victory over the flesh or sinful nature. (Gal. 5:16, 24;
Rom. 8:1-4)

1. The flesh continually wars against the Spirit. (Gal. 5:17)

2. Every Christian is responsible for his problems when he gives in to
the flesh and sins by violating God’s laws and will.

a. The counselor must realize this is the major issue for every person.
b. Everyone who would help a person experience victory must understand how to teach these truths.

3. God works in repentant people who confess sin and trust Jesus Christ
for complete forgiveness and change.

4. Early in his Christian life a saved person must be taught to crucify
self daily. . . to say, “NO” to selfish desires.
(Lk 9:23; Gal. 5:24; 2:20).

5. Christ Jesus conquered the Devil, death, and the flesh on the cross.

a. Because of that victory we do not need to serve sin.
b. We can depend upon the power of Christ,
c. walk in the Spirit, and
d. not make provision for the flesh to fulfill sinful lusts.
(Rom. 13:14; 6:11-14; Gal. 5:24; Eph. 4:17)

B. Problems Are Caused By Our Sinful Nature or the Flesh.
We see the works of the sinful flesh nature in the following in various ways.
Adam and Eve Lot Abraham
Jacob Moses David
Solomon Elijah Kings of Israel

1. Satan reaches Christians by appealing to the flesh.

2. The flesh includes the mind and physical body of man, which are
used to the habits of sinning.

3. SELF -- Man’s tendency is to operate from his own resources and
in his own strength instead of trusting God’s will and power --
a normal characteristic of the flesh.

4. The flesh is weak and tends toward corruptness. (Eph. 4:22; 4:17)

5. The devil uses the world of sin as an appeal to stir up and entice
the flesh.
(Rom. 7:18; Matt. 26:41; I Jh 2:15-17; Gal. 5:17, 21))



“The flesh, in reality, is a built-in crime system in each person, as
someone stated... we have met the enemy; he is in us!”


C. In Comparison, Psychologists Study Problems, and
call sin, addictions, obsessions, drugs, drinking, etc., -- diseases.

D. God Calls Sin, Sin --

1. The Bible calls an addiction the bondage of sin. (II Pet. 2:19)

2. Everybody is susceptible to coming under bondage to something --

a. food, sex, romantic desires, alcohol, self-love, pride, gambling,
b. gossip, tobacco, -- all because we all have the flesh within,
motivating us to become enslaved to sin.

3. God wants us to be free from all bondage. Christians need not give in
to such sins. We are no longer sin’s slaves! (Rom. 6:16-17)

4. The Bible warns us to guard ourselves against the flesh and to make
no provision for it. (Rom. 13:14) Do we teach the following truths
to those we counsel ?

a. The flesh does not improve with age.
b. If it is not kept constantly under control by the Holy Spirit’s ruling
and the application of the Word of God -- there can be an eruption
of corruption at the most unexpected times. (Gal. 5:15,16)
c. God does not reform the flesh, He condemns it. (Rom. 8:5-8)
d. God gave the Holy Spirit so that the Christian can have victory
over the flesh. (Rom. 8:1-4; 12-13; Gal. 5:24; Col. 3:5, 8-12)


III. WE CAN SEE OTHERS RESTORED AND CHANGED . . WHEN WE HELP THEM HAVE VICTORY OVER THE WORLD, FLESH, & the DEVIL.

A. The Way the Scriptures Speak of the World:

1. There is the world of men, whom God loves. (Jh 3:14-17)

2. There is the world of creation, made by God. (Rom. 1:20)

3. There is the world of sin the Devil uses to appeal to people to
bring them over the bridge of carnality. (I Cor. 3:3; 1:10; I Jh 2:15-17)

4. The fleshly person (saved, but walking in the flesh or carnal nature)
sees the world --

a. with envy, strife, and divisions, (I Cor. 3:3; Gal. 5:14; James 3:13-16)
b. with bitterness, anger, malice, wrath, evil speaking, (Eph. 4:31)
c. with the“lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life,”
(I Jh 2:15-17); study James 3:13-18.
d. with many earthy desires, worshiping the created world,
more than the Creator. (Rom. 1:25).

B. The Spirit Works In the Heart of the Saved to Bring Victory!

1. He indwells, bringing the new nature at salvation. (I Cor. 6:19-20;
II Cor. 5:17; Eph. 4:24; Col. 3:10; I Cor. 2:15; Rom. 7:22; Tit. 3:5)

2. The Holy Spirit is there is fill, empower for life and service.
(Eph. 5:28; Gal. 5:16, 24)

C. The Choice Must Be Made by the Counselee. . . to Enter Into Restoration
and Change.

1. The flesh is in opposition to the Spirit, and the Christian is continually
making choices between them. (Consider Moses, Heb. 11:25)

2. To serve God, turn from sinning, requires daily discipline of body
and mind. (I Cor. 9:27; Rom. 13:14)

3. To “abstain from the appearance of evil.” (I Thess. 5:22)

4. We are not in bondage to the sin nature, but we still have to make
the right choices every day. (Rom. 6:16-17)

5. God has given us a four-point formula for victory. (Rom. 8:6-13)

a. Know (understand, accept by faith) the old man is crucified in
Christ’s death on the cross.
(Rom. 6:6)

b. Reckon self to be dead to sin because the sin nature was crucified.
(Rom. 6:11; Gal. 2:20)

c. Christ had complete victory over sin at the cross; therefore, the
Christian has the power to overthrow the reign of sin in his
mortal body,
(Rom. 6:12),

d. and to make the choice not to yield his members as instruments
of unrighteousness... but unto righteousness, unto God.
(Rom. 6:13)

Will YOU help children, teens, friends, etc., to understand the “heart of the problem?” It is the understanding of the power of the flesh-sin nature, and the way of victory in Christ’s finished work!




Our Thoughts & How They Effect Us!

Introduction:
A very important question:
Do we ever sin without thoughts involved in the process of the sinful actions, attitudes, words, or reactions?

1. I don’t think it is possible to sin without thoughts being at the center of it all.

2. It may be that after years doing the same sinful habits (or patterns in life), we have little thought about what we are doing.

3. We have given assent to the actions of sin so many times -- both in thought, attitude, and choice of the will -- that the sinful practice seems to be automatic.

4. Sinning does become an automatic response to life because we have built an ongoing sinful habit that may well become a stronghold in our life.

Another question: How do thoughts inter-relate to heart, soul, will or volition?

1. We build a treasure in the heart according to Matthew 12:33-35. Nothing can enter the heart without coming through the mind. If it could be in any other way -- then how do things come into the heart? By emotions only? By the act of the will without conscious thought? I don’t think so.

2. The heart (as often used in Scripture) includes the total of what personality is -- the thinking or reasoning ability, the emotional aspects or feelings, the will or power of choice or volition, and the conscience. Heart and soul are often used interchangeably in Scripture.

The mind is the center of all of this -- for:
a. Emotions basically flow out of what we think upon, our evaluations of
those thoughts, and our response to them.
b. Men are logical, analytically minded beings, whereas women are emotional beings who are apt to feel first, then think about what
they feel. God made them that way. (When ill, we are all apt to feel first
and then think.)
c. Feelings cannot be trusted. Why? (Jere. 17:9; Prov. 28:26)
d. Reasoning, evaluating, questioning, and responding to life
is the activity of the mind.
e. Attitudes are actually a state of mind, or a state of our thinking.
Attitudes flow out of our thinking, evaluations, perceptions and responses from within -- from the thoughts in which we engage.
f. The action or choice of the will (volition) is then largely directed by the
thoughts. And the thoughts we have created within brought us to
certain emotional or feelings, factors, attitudes and evaluations.
Hence,we act!

I. UNDERSTANDING THE BRAIN GOD GAVE US!

The brain is probably the most intricate mechanism that God ever created. The wonder and complexity of the human brain defies all imagination. Although the average brain only weighs three pounds, it does most of its work through the neurons, which are too small to be measured.


The latest estimate of the number of neurons in the brain is from 50 to 100 billion. These neurons carry millions of signals, and the electrochemical reaction that occurs in the gap between neurons -- called a synapse -- happens millions of times in a day’s thought process. There may be from 10 trillion to 100 trillion synapses in the brain, and each one operates as a tiny calculator that tallies signals, arriving as electrical impulses. The total number of connections within the vast network of the brain’s neuronal system is truly astronomical. There is much we can’t share here!


A. The Mind and Processes:

1. One way to describe the mind and the brain is to compare them to
a very advanced computer, which can work on many problems at
the same time.

2. While no one can explain exactly how the mind works as it uses the
brain, for it is largely up to speculation and theory.
There are certain things we know are true:

a. The will in the conscious mind is the operator of this giant computer (the processing mind) and determines what bits of information will be drawn from the memory bank to form the thought patterns.
b. A person can decide which thought patterns he wants to have and which he wants to eliminate.
c. He can refuse to think about the thought patterns that have been formed, or he can alter the thought patterns any way he decides.
d. He can also combine some thought patterns with others to form complex thinking, including creative thinking.

B. The Conscious and Processing Mind:

Authors believe that the mind is composed of two parts: the conscious mind and the processing mind.

1. The conscious mind is the decider, the programmer, or the will. The conscious mind is used to make observations, gather information, evaluate incoming data from the senses, form value judgments, pose problems, and categorize information.

2. Through major and minor decisions, the conscious mind programs into the processing mind the life directions, and the goals to be achieved. Since man is a goal-oriented being, his mind functions best as it aims toward a goal and solves the necessary problems to reach the goal (Prov. 13:12, 19); the mind should be focused on the eternal goal. (Phil. 3:13).

3. God gives clear directions to focus the conscious mind on one’s life direction and goals. We are commanded to choose (Heb. 11:25; Josh 24:14), to purpose in our hearts, (II Cor. 9:7), to be renewed in the spirit of the mind, (Eph. 4:23), to be transformed by the renewing of the mind, (Rom. 12:2), and to set our affections (attitudes or feeling) on things above and not on things of the earth. (Col. 3:2).





II. RECOGNIZING THE EFFECT OF THOUGHTS ON OUR LIVES!

A. Biblical Counseling (helping our friends, teens, children, etc.) Always Includes Dealing With Both the “Inner Man and the Outward Man.”
(Matt. 12:33-35)

1. There is the “outward man” of words, behavior or actions, seen and
heard before others.

a. We see the behavior; we are concerned about the reactions and
actions of those around us, especially our own children.
b. As parents, it is the “outward man” seen in our children, that often
causes us grief, concern, and brings our reactions, discipline, etc.
c. Too often this is all we think about or deal with and we haven’t
considered the thoughts that helped produce the actions.

2. There is also the “inner man” of thoughts, emotions or feelings.

a. Behind actions or behavior are the chosen thoughts that give
guidance toward the individual’s actions.
b. The sin problems of lust, jealousy, envy, bitterness, anger, pride,
irritableness, resentments, rebellion etc., for example, must first be faced as thoughts, as well as the outcome produced by sinful
actions or practice.
c. By our inner thoughts and evaluations we also produce emotional
responses, or inner feelings that impact our behavior. We say to ourselves, “I feel like... or I don’t feel like....”
d. Behind our youth’s problems with rebellion, resentments, anger,
rejection of authority, etc., are their thoughts by which they:

reason within why their choice is right, (affections are involved)
defend their choice (in their thinking) by rationalizing, projectionism, defensive mechanisms, etc.
decide what they will do, how they will react to the parent or
other authority figures,
make their plans to lie, withhold truth, tell half-truths,
equivocate, etc., when faced with their sinful responses and
they are thinking this way within prior to facing an authority.
feelings, emotions, or affections are also a part of the picture
as individuals create heart responses within.

3. There is an “intertwining of thoughts and actions.”

a. Outward change or renewal consists of new ways of behaving
that are consistent with Biblical principles.
b. But to make this work, there must also be a change in the inner
man -- the thinking of the person.
c. Change must take place simultaneously both in the inner life
thoughts
as well as the outer (outward) life actions.

B. The Greatest Battle in Life Is in the Arena of Our Thought Life.
(II Cor. 10:3-5)

1. The battle field is the mind. Satan has always desired to control the
mind. (Consider Eve and temptation.) (I Pet. 5:8-9; Lk 22:31-32)


2. James 1:13-15 teaches us we are drawn away by our own lusts,
enticed, and then when sin conceives it brings forth death.
The mind, affections or feelings, and will are all involved in this!

3. Romans 8:5-7 teaches us that we “mind” either the things of the Spirit
or the things of the flesh. Note: We mind with our mind one or the
other!
This is true of our youth as well as all of us adults. (I Jh 2:15-17)

C. We Must Recognize the Impact of Our Personal “Self-talk.”

1. We need to understand how God made us and how thoughts
impact our daily lives.

2. Our thoughts (as adults or youth) take the form of internalized sentences
or what we could call -- self-talk.

a. This is a “train of ideas” manifesting itself in sub-vocal speech.
b. We talk to ourselves about almost everything and anything in life
that we consider significant to us.
c. What we say to ourselves is most important -- for our inner thoughts are a correct gage of what we are inside. (Matt. 12:33-37)
d. We do all our most important thinking in self-talk or
internalized sentences.
e. What we say to ourselves is --

evident in our moods, and actions,
seen in our attitudes, for an attitude is a state of mind.
seen in our emotional responses, what we love, have affection
for, etc.

3. By our thinking we build our beliefs, attitudes, opinions, purposes, and our value system about life itself.

a. Our children (youth) are building the above things by what
they meditate upon, consider as truth, and cling to in
their minds and wills. (The same is true of us adults.)
b. These things make up life and are the building blocks of our
personality, values, goals, etc. We do the building!

4. We often twist truth in our minds because our hearts are deceitful
and desperately wicked
(Jere. 17:9). It is human, sinful, and
natural for us to walk in our sinful ways.

a. This is the reason that what we put within (Matt. 12:33-35), what we
meditate upon (Psa. 1:1-3, Phil. 4:8), and what we hold on to as
truth, is so important. (Psa. 119:128).
b. We must help our children (youth) to question the validity of
their beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts. Youth are evaluating everything!!
c. Do we (they) walk in truth because we (they) apply the Word of God, or do we tell ourselves lies and walk in sinful
practices, habits, and actions?

D. We Build a “Belief System” About Everything of Significance By Our
Thoughts (self-talk practices).



1. Our belief system comes from our self-talk about truths or lies. Our
belief system is behind all our deliberations, actions, and decisions.

2. Because every situation in our lives is interpreted by what we believe,
our belief system, not the situation, is the “key to our response.” Y O U M U S T G E T A H O L D O F T H I S T R U T H !!

a. Your children (youth) react, respond, and choose, based upon what
they believe -- usually, it is not the immediate situation causing our
problems -- but how we react by what we believe.

b. Your choices -- to be angry, upset, depressed, discouraged, irritable disgusted, etc., -- are based upon what you believe.

IF:
• You believe your wife (husband/child) does not care, or
• you believe your wife (husband/child) does not love you, or
• you believe your wife (husband/child) is angry, hateful,
rejecting you, etc., then you will color every situation by
what you believe
-- and you will react accordingly.

It is not the immediate situation that conditions
your response . . . but what your belief system contains.


III. RECOGNIZING THE NEED OF FOCUSING THE CONSCIOUS MIND. . . TOWARD LIFE CONTROL:

A. Scriptures Teach We Control Life BY Our CHOICE of Thoughts!

1. We are commanded to choose. -- (Heb. 11:25; Josh 24:14)

2. We are commanded to purpose. -- (II Cor. 9:7)

3. We are commanded to be renewed in the spirit of the mind. -- (Eph. 4:23)

4. We are commanded to be transformed by our thinking. -- (Rom. 12:2)

5. We are commanded to set our affections (attitudes of feeling) on
things above, not on things on this earth. -- (Col. 3:2)

6. We are commanded to keep the heart with all diligence. -- (Prov. 4:23)

7. We are commanded to build a good treasure in the heart. -- (Matt. 12:35)

What a person thinks in his conscious mind is stored in his processing
mind and this automatically directs his life actions.


B. Two Types of Thoughts Are Entertained Within:

1. Positive Faith Thoughts: (Consider: James 3:13-18; Phil. 4:8; Gal. 5:15-17)

a. These are God-directed and based on the principles of the
Word of God.
b. These result in wholesome actions, and God-honoring attitudes.

c. Thoughts, imaginations, high things (philosophies, etc.of the world)
pride or proud attitudes militate against godly, biblical thinking.
(II Cor. 10:3-5)
d. Positive faith thoughts are a natural result of a life controlled by the
applied Word of God. (Rom. 15:4; Jh 15:11; 20:31; I Jh 1:1-4;
Rom. 10:17)
e. The positive promises, our God-given position in Christ should make
for a positive outlook. ( Eph. 1:3-11) Positive faith thoughts are based on the finished work, and resurrection power of Jesus Christ.
(I Cor. 15:17; Eph. 1:19-20) and His grace. (Eph. 2:7-9; II Cor. 12:9)

2. Negative Doubt Thoughts:

a. There are the negative doubt or devilish thoughts of rebellion, lust,
discontentment, covetousness, pride, bitterness, doubt, hate, and
fear to be cast out and every thought brought unto obedience to
Christ. ( II Cor. 10:3-5)
b. With Christ in the heart, having the indwelling Holy Spirit, the
Christian should not be under the influence of sinful, habitual
negative thoughts. (Phil. 4:4-8; II Pet. 1:3-11; Rom. 8:37)
c. The Christian ought to avoid the negative “if only”, “why?” “why me?” “why now?” and “what if?” (Eph. 5:20; I Thess. 5:18)
d. Some negative, bitter people have a tendency to dwell on negative thoughts -- such as hatred, bitterness, and revenge. (Eph. 4:30-32)
e. If negative, devilish, habitual sinful thoughts are programmed
into the processing mind, negative, sinful actions will result, for
the processing mind or computer must work with the input it
has received. (Psa. 101:3; Matt. 12:33-35)
f. God has given answers in His Word for all these negative sinful
responses. (II Pet. 1:3-11; I Pet. 2:1-10; Eph. 6:10-18)


























Do You Have the “Heart”
of Your Child?

How are things between you as a parent and your child? What is happening to their respect, honor, or esteem shown to you? To what degree have you already lost your child...does he largely ignore you, reject what you stand for, and rarely listen to you? What happens that brings about a loss of a child’s heart? Why does this take place?
For some of you, this study will be like a dose of herbs and vitamins... helping to keep your family better, for some of you it could bring a relationship back to life... that has been lost.
Raising kids is a challenge, raising good kids is a big challenge, and raising godly kids is an incredible challenge.


I. THERE ARE SEVERAL IMPORTANT INGREDIENTS TO RAISING
GOOD, GODLY KIDS:

A. We Must Teach Children to Obey:

1. The clearest command given to children in relation to parents is
found in Col. 3:20, where God says, “Children obey your parents...”

2. For obedience to be genuine obedience it must be immediate and
it must be sweet. If a child chooses how they are going to obey, or when they are going to obey... then they have not obeyed.

3. If the child has not obeyed immediately, then they have not obeyed.

4. If they have not obeyed sweetly, then they have not obeyed.

5. Obedience is not an option in raising godly, good kids, it is vitally important.

But I don‘t think it is the most essential ingredient in raising good kids.

B. Another Vital Ingredient Is to Teach Your Child Respect and Honor.

1. A child not taught to respect his parents, will also not respect God.

2. A boy who does not respect his Dad and Mom will not respect
girls, older people, other adults or his wife.

3. A child not taught to respect others will grow up expecting the world
to revolve around him instead of being a servant.

4. Teaching respect and honor is a tremendously important ingredient.

But I don’t believe this to be the key” ingredient in raising good kids.

C. A Vital Ingredient is Teaching. . . Molding With the Word of God

1. Deuteronomy chapter six teaches us how we are to teach
our children, and when: (See Deuteronomy 6:1-2, 4-9, 17.)

a. when we lie down, when we rise up,

b. when we walk by the way.
c. It is essentially telling us that the parent is a teacher all the time.

2. No matter where your kids are in school, YOU are your kids’ primary
teacher. You need to understand this!
But again, this isn’t the most important ingredient!

D. Another Primary Ingredient for Raising Good Kids . . . is to Protect
Them From Evil.

1. Evil in general, and evil influences in particular.

2. It is a false philosophy that says you will produce better kids by
exposing them to the filth and garbage of this world.

3. The God says, “I would have you to be wise concerning that which is
good, and simple (or ignorant) concerning that which is evil.”

I have given a number of ingredients which are needed if we are to raise good kids, but I have not given what I think is the key ingredient of all. In fact, you may practice all these things as they ought to be.... and still not make it... without what I believe is the key ingredient.


II. THERE IS A “KEY” INGREDIENT IN REARING CHILDREN:

A. The Truth Stated:
Look at Proverbs 23:26:
“My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes
observe my ways.” Why?
Because if you give me your heart, I will be able to steer you around the two greatest dangers that can ever happen to a young man. . .those are the dangers of wine and the wrong kind of women.

Now look at Malachi chapter 4:5-6:
Four hundred years later, God had a special message about
“turning the hearts of the children to the fathers, and the hearts of the fathers to their children.”

1. There is a curse upon children in our day, in our society, in general.

2. We have a curse because we don’t have the hearts of the father with
the children,
therefore, we don’t have the hearts of the children
with the fathers.

3. We see the fulfillment of the Old Testament prophesy as the
angel of the Lord is speaking to Zacharias, about the birth of John the Baptist. (Read Lk 1:16-17.)

a. There would be a mighty anointing on John the Baptist, similar to
the anointing that was on Elijah in the O.T. He would come in the power of Elijah for a very special ministry.
b. John the Baptist was to make the crooked straight, bring the high things low, and make the rough ways smooth, and prepare the way for the coming of Christ. (Lk 3:3-9; Matt. 3:1-3; Mark 1:1-3)
c. His ministry was: “To turn the hearts of the fathers to the children,
and the disobedient (the children) to the wisdom of the just.”
(Mal. 4:5-6)

• Children will not give their hearts to their parents -- until their parents are first seen as being just.
• The number one characteristic of wisdom is justice.
• When parents are seen by children as being just... then the children feel free to trust their hearts to their parents.
• So, the disobedient become open to the wisdom of the just. This will make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

d. Young people are not ready for God to work in their hearts until
their hearts are turned from themselves to their parents.


• When a teenager gets right with his parents, he gets right with God at the same time.
• His biggest problem in surrendering to the Lord is surrendering
his heart, will, mind, and emotions to the parents.
• And if he can do that, then he can get right with God at the very same moment.

B. The Truth Illustrated: Story of Absalom and his rebellion!
(II Sam. 13; 14; 15) In chapters 13 to 19 the primary character
involved is this man, Absalom.

Look at some key events!

1. Amnon, with bad counsel, found out how to rape his half-sister Tamar.

2. David did nothing about it, two years later Absalom killed Amnon.

3. In the first part of Chapter 14, Joab seeks to get Absalom back to Jerusalem.

4. He spend two full years in Jerusalem, but still was not able to see
his father, the King.

5. Absalom sent a servant to set Joab’s barley field on fire, to get his attention, just as his heart burned to see his father, David.

6. When he did get to see his father, the king, there was no conversation, no hugs, no words of acceptance, etc. (chap 15-16)

7. Absalom worked to undermine his father. He stole the hearts of the men of Israel, by sharing with them, speaking to them, etc., rebellion is set up.

8. The hearts of the men were with Absalom. Absalom stole the hearts of
the men of Israel. (II Sam. 15:1-6)

One of the most important statements that could ever be made is this:
The key ingredient. . .
is to get their heart early, to keep their heart, don’t lose their heart, and if you do lose it... find out when, and where you lost it... Go get it back quickly no matter what it takes to get it.



III. REACHING THE HEART LEST THE CHILD BECOMES A REBEL:

The heart of every problem is the problem in the heart!
God said of Israel...
(Heb 3:10)“They always error in the heart!”

A. The Problem Is We Lose The Heart of Our Own:

1. The problem David’s had was he lost Absalom’s heart.

2. Absalom’s life wandered because his heart wandered.

3. Many parents have lost their child’s heart!
How can we help the child, if we don’t have his heart?

4. When we see defiance and rebellion, and we really don’t understand
what is really going on underneath everything. We have lost the
child’s heart.

Why is it such a big deal about the heart?

B. The Heart Controls Almost Everything About the Life -- it is much like
the physical heart which is the most vital organ of the body. You could
lose your leg or arm and live. . . but that is not true of the heart! (The
word heart (spiritual) occurs about 900 times in the Word of God.)

1. If you have access to the child’s heart... then you have access to
everything else in their child’s life.

a. You have access to your child’s friends,
b. to your child’s music, to the places your child goes,
c. to the things your child does, the activities in which your
child is involved.
d. Because if you have the child’s heart you have access to
every thing else in the child’s life.

2. It is better, in the long run, to have a child that at times disobeys you -- but you have their heart -- than to have a child that is continually, compliantly obedient, but you don’t have his heart.

They could be doing what the parents says -- but are like a volcano
just waiting to erupt.

3. There is a far greater potential for the child to become a rebel -- no matter how obedient they are -- if you don’t have their heart!

a. If you have their heart -- you have their respect;
b. if you have their heart -- you can teach them, you can protect them,
c. whoever has the heart -- eventually has the child.

This is the reason why the world all around us is working to tie the heart of children with a whole bunch of things. The world is continually trying to tie the heart of children to baby setters instead of mom and dad, to TV, to school teachers, to cartoon figures (some of the cartoon characters have the child’s heart, more than mama does), to basketball or foot ball stars, and rock stars which is especially one of the biggest problem areas of our day. Satan uses the boy-friend-girl-friend craze to steal the hearts of children from parents prematurely. This is especially true in our day!

4. Children naturally want their parents to have their heart. This is normal!
From time the child is born this is the way it ought to be!



5. Parents want to have their children’s heart! Again this is normal!
(The heart of David hungered to see Absalom, and Absalom was hungering to see his father.)

C. Wisdom That Comes From These Truths.

1. Satan’s lie he has propagated is: -- “Some adolescent rebellion is expected out of every teenager.”

Why is that so dangerous? .... Because just a little bit of rebellion should be a sign to a parent that their child’s heart has wandered... and is hungry for love, and attention and acceptance. If you expect your child to rebel, you won’t take action and do something about getting the child’s heart-- then the heart wanders further. By the time you recognize what has happened it is almost too late to do anything about it...most parents don’t know when they lost their child’s heart, do you know? Think with me, do you have your child’s heart? Would they rather spend time with you than most any one else!


2. It is sad that between age 13 to 15, or 16 teens are taught to look for boy friends, or girl friends. We must teach them to give their hearts and emotions to only one person in life.

3. It is sad that later on we have a “generation gap,” because there is a great void in the hearts of parents and in the hearts of their children.

a. Would your child rather spend time with you than anyone else?
b. Does your child give you respect and honor?
c. Does your child come to you for wisdom for decision making?
d. Does your child have a genuine desire to please you as a parent?
e. Does it hurt your child when they realize they have done
something to displease you?
f. Are they loyal to you, do they follow you?
g. Do you teach them, do they look at you and gladly listen?
h. Do you know what is going on inside your child’s heart and mind? (Prov. 21:2)

D. The Bible Gives An Ideal Example of the Heart of Fathers and
Children Being Knit Together!

1. What is the Bible ideal of the parent-child relationship?

a. Was it Adam and Eve and their kids? NO
b. Or Abraham and Isaac? NO
c. Was it Jacob and Joseph? NO
d. How about Moses, or Joshua? NO
e. How about Samuel, or David? NO
Where is it?

2. You know where the ideal picture is? -- It is the Heavenly Father and His Son -- Jesus Christ! (It is so crystal clear... it is incredible.)

a. Jh 5:19 b. Jh 5:30 c. Jh 8:28 d. Jh 10:30

3. Another picture is of the Heavenly Father and Us, His Sons:
What is He always checking on? (The heart -- I Sam. 16:7) Parents need to be like God, also checking our child’s heart. (Prov. 21:2; Prov. 4:23)

It is the picture of the heavenly Father, looking at us and looking at our hearts This is what we ought to be concerned about, not how do our children look? are t they following my standards? are they dressing like I want them to? do they cut their hair like I want them to or use lipstick like I want? etc? This is all well and good -- but -- DO I HAVE THEIR HEART?



E. There Are Three Big Dangers for the Heart... and it Happens in
This Order:

1. The heart can be lost, (maybe parents violate Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21)

a. Perhaps we provoke to wrath by raising the standard too high,
b. by never praising them, or showing appreciation,
c. by never affirming them, by raising expectations too high,
d. by never giving them honor, respect,
e. by not giving them your heart, your care, your time; by not
communicating with them, maybe you don’t talk to them when
they need to talk -- maybe you watch too much TV., etc.

2. The heart can be hardened, (we help produce a hard heart!)

a. Often accommodating the hurting heart, the child hardens his heart.
b. After the heart is hardened, someone else can come along and
steal the heart. (Illustration of David and Absalom)

3. The heart can be stolen, (stolen by peers, TV, stars, boy-friend, girl-friend)
a. Sometimes family members or friends steal hearts,
b. or perhaps teachers come between the children and their parents.

F. Only the Heart Can Keep the Heart!

1. When the heart keeps the heart -- then the heart keeps straight.

2. The hand will not keep the heart -- spanking will not keep the heart.

The first thing we often do when we are disgusted is to turn away from the child. This should not happen. When things are bad or difficult is when the child needs us the most. Draw closer to the child, even the rebel hungers for the praise and acceptance of his father.


One of the most powerful motivation is praise! Give praise, give
acceptance, give them your heart, and keep their heart!













Implementing a Biblical PLAN In Helping Others!



How do we carry out a ministry to others? What are the basic principles involved in restoring and helping others bring about the change that may be desperately needed?

Christlikeness, the goal of counseling, can be realized only in the life of a person rightly related to God. The lost sinner, following the dictates of his sinful nature, is maladjusted. He needs first to be born again and receive a new nature. However, the born-again Christian, who is not obeying the principles of the Word of God and not being led of the Spirit can also become maladjusted and have many problems and sinful practices.


I. THE OVERALL NEED IS TO BRING CHANGE:

A. The Plan Must Implement Change.

1. Change in the basic beliefs (of the counselee), in his attitudes, in his
motives, in his decisions, and in his behavior must take place.

2. If proper changes are made through the application of the Word of God
then right feelings will automatically follow.

B. The Person Must Understand Why Change is Needed.

1. Because of our flesh (the sin nature) one of our basic root problems is
seeking to lift up self instead of God. (I Cor. 10:31; Eph. 1:12)

a. Self-glory always brings about unbiblical, devilish beliefs,
devil-directed attitudes, motives and decisions, which cause sinful behavior. (James 1:13-15)
b. As a result, wrong, stressful, upsetting faulty feelings occur, and
sinful habits and responses become the norm.

2. The individual needs to understand how to apply Romans 6:6-14 and
Luke 9:23 in his or her personal daily life.


II. WE MUST DETECT THE PROBLEMS.... Discovering The Root Causes:

The previous lessons that dealt with root problems, the “put off and put on” process, the mind and thinking processes, etc., need to be studied thoroughly so the counselor can understand what constitutes basic root problems.

A. The Counselor Must Detect What the Roots Are. . .
not just symptoms.

1. The counselor is like a detective whose role is to:

a. discover the problems, b. get the pertinent facts,
c. and understand why the problems are there.

2. He must trust the Holy Spirit to help him find the right clues and to lead
him in asking questions that he might recognize the root problems.


3. The counselor must study the Word of God, understand the basic
sin nature so well. . . that he recognizes basic roots to sin problems.

B. To Do This, There Must Be Active Listening.

1. It is through careful listening (and proper questioning) that he can
determine the real problem and the basic cause(s) of the problem.

2. (Prov. 18:13) There must be careful, heartfelt, intent listening.

3. We must give undivided attention, direct eye contact, understanding
the person, giving them time to share their heart.

4. Listening purposefully and compassionately to understand needs
is extremely essential.

5. Be concerned to fully understand the counselee, their usage of words,
their meaning behind the words, etc.

C. And There Must Be Careful Questioning.

1. Proper questioning helps the counselor to guide the counselee to fully
share, and brings understanding of the real problem at hand.

2. Questions could include the following (and many other things could be
listed here). Ask the questions, get written answers, or write down
the answers as given.

1). What do you feel guilty about?
2). What is your greatest area of temptation?
3). What makes you very angry?
4). What is your biggest problem, as you see it?
5). What would you change about your body or yourself if you could?
6). What would you do or be if you had a choice?
7). What makes you feel rejected?
8). What do you think is your greatest need?
9). How do you feel toward your mother, father, brother(s), or sister(s)?
or coworkers, relatives or authority?
10). What makes you fearful and afraid?
11). What are your goals in life?
12). How did you feel when that happened? (whatever it is)
13). What were your first thoughts when whatever happened took
place?
14). If things are to be what God wants them to be, what would need to
change in your life?
It is important to formulate questions that will help you understand your child
youth, or the friend or person you are seeking to help.


D. There Must Be Wisdom In Forming Questions.

1. Don’t ask questions that only require a yes or no answer.

2. Say things like: “Tell me about . . . !” “If I were to ask you if you hated
your mother, what would you say?”
(Using the word “if” takes the
accusation out of the question.) “How did you feel when that happened?”
“What other action could you have taken?” “What was your response?”

3. “Are there other facts I need to know?” “Is there anything else you
need to tell me?” “Is there another problem you want to talk about?”


4. As he asks pertinent questions, the counselor listens until the Holy
Spirit helps him discern the problem and its causes (s).

5. Remember, the first problem the person shares may not be the
real problem. This is another reason further probing questions are so
important. The real problem may be vastly different!

6. Parents need to learn to formulate questions according to their
child’s personality, age, and ability to understand. Also such
questions need to be worded so that the child truly understands his
sin problems and faces thoughts, attitudes and actions that are wrong.


Consider: It is important for the counselor to understand that early trauma, an unwholesome family environment, rejection, and/or an unsettling family situation are not the real problem. Rather, it is the counselee’s habitual, ungodly, fleshly reactions that are contributing to his present problem.
Throughout the time together the counselor must give hope.


III. WE MUST GIVE EXPLANATION.

A. Here We Help Them Recognize Their Basic Problems.

1. The real problem needs to be explained to the person in need.

2. The counselee cannot work through the problem without a thorough
understanding of:

a. What the real problem is, (roots)
b. the basic causes or cause of the problem,
c. the influencing factors that make up the problem must be understood,
d. also the past programming or conditioning brought about by
continued practices and habits of sinful thoughts, attitudes, and
actions.

3. The counselor explains the problem to the counselee and helps him see what the sinful beliefs, attitudes, motives, decisions, and
behavior are that he must work at changing.

B. The Problem Must Be Explained Carefully, Biblically, and Simply.
You need insight into the meaning of words. You need clarity of thought and understanding of the other person’s choices of words, and what he means by them.


IV. THERE MUST BE CONFRONTATION.

A. Confrontation, Lovingly Given Must Take Place.

1. There may be confrontation about obvious failures of inconsistent
behavior. Pointing out sinful actions (words, etc.) is basic.

2. There may be confrontation about the obvious practice of
projectionism, rationalizations, and defensive mechanisms.

3. Confrontation may include helping the person to see the inconsistency
between his talk and his actions.

4. Confrontation must always take place about:

a. sinful beliefs, (sinful belief systems)
b. sinful thoughts, (lying thoughts)
c. motives, decisions, and habits of sin,
d. actions or behavior that is sinful, ungodly, and hurtful.

5. We must have a heart of love, looking at the problem Scripturally, so
the person’s needs may be met and restoration can take place.
(Gal. 6:1)

6. Wisdom is needed to understand the counselee’s explanations
and to be sure he is not trying to rationalize or excuse his behavior.


B. Confrontation That Is Biblical Must Take Place.

1. Confrontation must take place in the light of the clear teaching of the
Word of God, the will of God, and what glorifies God. (Rom. 6:16-22)

2. All confrontation should basically take place as or when the
Word of God is opened, studied, and applied.

3. It ought not be based on our own ideas, whims, preferences,
or beliefs, but what does God say and desire.

4. The counselor must be sure he is looking at the problem from God’s
point of view. . .

a. thus not be lenient, protective, indulgent,
b. and . . . also not be negative, judgmental, and critical.
c. Mercy and much patience is also needed.
d. Scriptural principles concerning confrontation must be
understood and applied.

5. The counselor needs God’s wisdom to make sure that he is looking
at the problem from a truly Scriptural viewpoint with a heart of love
to help the counselee find restoration.


E. Confrontation Will Include These Four Steps of a Teaching Phase:
This is seen in II Timothy 3:16-17.

1. Step One: Doctrine:

a. This is a teaching of Biblical Principles that address the problem.
b. The appendix of helps gives a list of verses touching various needs.

2. Step 2 - Reproof:


a. Reproof is the pattern God uses in His Word (Rev. 3:19; Heb. 4:12)
b. Teaching Scripture should convict, rebuke, and reprove.

3. Step 3 - Correction:

a. After the first two steps, correction must take place.
b. Correction is teaching the counselee how to genuinely repent.
c. Repentance is turning from one’s sin, and requires:

• confessing sin to God and to others, if needed, (I Jh 1:9)
• asking forgiveness from the wronged person, (Matt 5:23-24;
18:15-17)
• forsaking sin, and the contributing environment and
following a new habit-pattern of behavior pleasing to God.

4. Step 4 - Instruction in Righteousness

a. Instruction in how to begin this new behavior of righteousness.
b. How to build and continue in the new habit patterns in one’s life.
c. How to overcome sinful habits, and how to resist Satan in future
temptations.
d. Change takes place as we apply things shared in other sections of
this Personal Growth Seminar.
(We have shared much about the walk in the flesh nature and
the need of and practice of walking in the Spirit.)
e. We have the basic truths as found in Romans 6:6-14; 8:1-4, 37;
Gal. 5:16-17, 24; Gal. 2:20; Lk 9:23; and I Thess. 5:18, 24)


V. OFTEN THERE WILL BE AN ONGOING STRUGGLE. . .
THIS IS A NORMAL EXPERIENCE IN CHANGE: (Gal. 5:16-17)

A. The Counselee Will Experience a Struggle In the Midst of Getting Help.

1. The law of sin working in his members will fight against the law of God
which is within him. (Romans 7:14-25 will be his experience.)

2. He must make up his mind to obey God and the Word of God rather
than the desires of the old nature within. (Rom. 6:16-17; Gal. 5:16-17, 24)

3. He must draw upon the power of the Holy Spirit, and make up his
mind to walk in the victory that is in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1-16)

B. The Choice is Personal. . . Victory is Available in Christ. (Rom. 8:37)

1. Triumph over sin can be the experience of any Christian who is determined
to walk in the victory already purchased by Christ.

2. It depends upon obedience. (Rom. 6:16-17) It depends upon a walk by faith
wherein the person trust the Lord for His power in his life as he yields and
obeys. (Eph. 6:10- 18)

3. Joyous triumph can be ours in spite of the power of our enemies.
(I Pet. 5:8-9; I Jh 4:4; 5:4-5)


Copyright 2000, Revival In the Home Ministries #.