Building a Teen’s Conscience

Understanding and Building the
Conscience of the Adolescent

Written By Dr. Edward Watke Jr.

Introduction

> During adolescence a conscience crisis occurs. Under the impact of increased intellectual ability, greater physical maturity, an enlarged world view, and most of all peer pressures, the teenager begins to reevaluate his standards.

> When the adolescent beings to think for himself, he sees the biased rigidity of some of his parents' standards. As he searches for his identity, he also feels compelled to assert his independence from his parents. Some of this is good. If the adolescent never learns to think for himself, he will always be a "yes-man." His values and ideals will never be his own; he will simple be a puppet of his parents, or of some other person.


I. THE TEENAGER'S NORMAL RESPONSES

1. As a part of finding his identity, the typical teenager rethinks some of his morality.

2. He may outwardly rebel against a few of his parents' values just to see if he can get away with it. Largely, his is trying to be his own person.

3. He is trying to separate himself both from his parents and from their internalized ideals. He is probably somewhat at sea as he tries to sort out his own beliefs and value system.

4. In this process he is also trying to find his own personal identity, worth, and purpose in life.


II. THE PARENTS' PERSONAL CHALLENGE

1. The sensitive parent is ready for this challenge. Instead of vainly struggling to keep his teenager at an immature, internalized, or fear-based level of morality, he encourages this newfound search for personal values and identity.

2. The sensitive parent allows the teenager to think for himself, but in an open way discusses the reasons for supporting biblical truth and morality.

Sometimes this process is difficult for us as parents; we have invested a great deal of energy in our value systems, and we react to any questioning it. This plays into the hands of the growing adolescent. Whenever he upsets us, he feels he is strong; he knows he has won a victory. His time of feeling weak or unnoticed is passed; he now has the power to upset us. This is an unfortunate occurrence.

3. A wise parent is flexible for he is willing to reevaluate his own position in the Word of God, his values and his morality. He may even see that some of his taboos and values are not specifically mentioned in the Scriptures.
4. A wise parent majors in biblical principles and non-defensively gives his personal reasons for his own convictions.

At the same time, he gradually allows his teenager to assume greater responsibility in determining a personal set of values.

5. The sensitive parent does not claim the power of divine inspiration to force his adolescent into conformity to his personal convictions.

If we are convinced of the accuracy of the Bible and the ministry of the Holy Spirit we will be willing to let God lead our teenager into His truth without coercion.

This process may seem frightening, but we must remain willing to lead and to listen. We must be willing to quietly discuss and teach truth, but we will not condemn, coerce, or angrily try to force our values on our children.

This will require good parent-teen communication, for it is perhaps the most crucial element of our growing youth's developing morality and personal convictions.


III. THE FEATURES OF A MATURE CONSCIENCE

The mature conscience should be operating well by late adolescence and early adulthood.

1. Hypothetically, his conscience should be free from the necessity of external controls and restraint. The mature person does not need to be motivated by the fear of others or by an inner sense of self-punishment.

2. He judges each situation on the basis of its merits. He considers the positive and negative consequences of his actions to himself and to others.
3. He refrains from wrong because of its effect on others and because of his relationship to the Lord he loves. He follows God's commandments out of
love, out of a desire to do the helpful thing for others, and for the cause of Christ.

As Christians we shouldn't be motivated merely to avoid punishment; Christ has paid for all our sins. Nor should we be motivated merely to remove our own guilty feelings -- for this is selfish. As Christians we are aware of a number of divine absolutes in the area of personal living. We do not question what God has said, but at the same time we do consider how God's Word applies to daily life, and we do not just fulfill it blindly.

4. He questions things realistically.

a. The person who immediately conforms to every authoritative comment is usually a dependent or a fear-oriented person.
b. He lacks a sense of individuality and self confidence and he is afraid to question.
c. At first it may seem that he is mature because of his unquestioning stance. d. But usually he has been coerced, and later when independent he will fall into grevious sin because he was not allowed to come to his own personal convictions.
e. While biblical standards are absolute and authoritative, they do have sound logic behind them.
f. God does not say, "Do this because I say so!" Instead, He points out that His commands are for our good and for the good of others around us.


Note:
> An unquestioning faith that fails to ask "why?" is actually naive.
> God does not expect us to blindly follow all His guidelines, but instead to trust Him fully, to walk by faith and in knowing His Word we will understand His will.
> God wants us to be sensitive to the needs of others and to follow His guidance out of love.

Also, some think they are mature because they accept nothing without doubting. These people pride themselves on their intellect and their sophistication. They accept a Biblical standard only when it conforms to their logic. They may rebel against authority and refuse to accept any authority beyond their own.

5. The mature person with a biblically motivated conscience combines these two seemingly opposing traits.

1. He recognizes the value of authority and is willing to put himself under biblical authority.

2. He is convinced of the accuracy of the Bible and its pronouncements in moral areas.

When he comes to a statement contrary to his own opinions, he thinks, "I wonder why that is there? From my perspective is doesn't seem necessary. But I have experienced the new birth and God's faithfulness, and I know it must be there for our benefit. I will try to understand why, but if I don't, I will accept it as important even though I don't understand it's purpose just now."

Understanding the Kinds of Control that We Exercise as
Parents, and Their Value

Step Type of Control Advantages Disadvantages Appropriate Age

I Physical Restraint 1) Protects young child 1) Requires constant Birth - 2 year with
from physical dangers supervision occasional restraints
later, but diminishing

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IIA Punishment and Fear 1) Protects child from 1) Punishment requires 9 months - 4 or 5
of an external dangers continual presence of years with great
authority 2) Begins to teach authority lessening of direct
child right and wrong. 2) Punishment must be parental severe and frequent intervention over
3) Protects rights and in physical discipline time.
property of others to maintain standards
3) Punishment can cause
dependency, hostility
4) Motive for morality
can be self-centered (to
avoid punishment)


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IIB Respect of 1) Teaches negative Throughout life
Consequences! consequences of some
behavior without
parental force or
fear motivation
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III Internalized Parent 1) Protects rights and 1) Motive for morality 2 or 3 years -- until
property of others is self-centered to the adolescence. This 2) Protects self from degree that the process occurs consequences of internalization is of through all of life, negative actions. fear and guilt. but is especially
3) Doesn't require 2) Morality tends to be prominent in the first
continual presence rigid and limited to that 10 or 12 years.
of an authority taught by parents and
4) Teaches socialized significant authorities.
responses such as 3) May be associated
manners and neatness with a condemning
5) Leads to good self- attitude toward others
image to the degree who violate one's
that the internaliz- standards
ation is of a loving, 4) Self-punishment raises
accepting parent anxiety and depression
and lowers self image.

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IV Adolescent 1) Helps morality 1) May involve temporary Most of, or all of,
Choices become the teen's rebellion the teen years own chosen one rather
than simply an imitation
of his parents
2) Broadens and creates
a more sensitive morality
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V. Mature Morality 1) Protects rights and the Adolescence into
and Biblical value privileges of others adulthood
system 2) Protects self from the
consequences of one's own
negative and sinful actions.
3) Doesn't require presence
of an authority
4) Maintains mature
consideration of others
5) Maintains a flexible,
sensitive (but not a
condemning) conscience -
showing concern for self
and others. Seeks to
apply the Word of God
6) Maintains healthy self-
image, biblical self-worth,
and a sense of
individuality

We should be moving toward level five on the above chart as we apply truth unto maturity.
This depends upon a parent teaching, training, and molding the lives of teens through the power of the Word of God as the authority for life.


The Word of God must become authoritative. It must be that which molds the life... building character, defining purpose, and controlling life-style.

Summarizing Our Concept of the Goal of Maturity

People with mature consciences can:

1. Respect the right and privileges of others because they have a sense of warmth, empathy, and concern.

2. See the consequences of behavior for both self and others, and act according to those implications.

3. Respect authority and learn from the guidance of others.

4. Think independently and rationally, not bound on the one hand by inner fears of punishment or a sense of guilt, or on the other hand by a rebellious attitude which rejects all authority but one's own.

5. Accept divine absolutes and the leading of the Holy Spirit while seeking to understand their implications and continuing to accept them, even when they are divergent from our reasoning.

6. Make all moral decisions out of a mature love for God, ourselves, and others.

7. The Word of God is that which controls their decisions and conditions their
conscience toward an active, determined godly life that honors God.

The foregoing pages are adapted from “An Ounce of Prevention," by Dr. Bruce Narramore.

© 2000, Revival in the Home Ministries #