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There are many problems people face about which we need to be ready to counsel... to give guidance... to prepare homework for their sake... to understand... and to help bring permanent change.
The subjects dealt herein could be sources for personal study, for teaching a class, for preaching, and for one on one application. It is our desire that this material will give you a great resource for the benefit of many.
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Table of Contents -
Helping
People In the Midst of Their Depression
Handling Guilt Biblically
The Practice of Blameshifting
Dealing With Stress Biblically
Remaining Chapters in Documents 2 and 3
Dealing
With Worry
How To Handle Anger
Facing the Pressures of Life Biblically
Handling Resentments and Bitterness
Who Controls Your Thoughts?
Dealing With Child Sexual Abuse
Facing Fears and Anxiety
Helping
People In the Midst of Their Depression
Possibly one of the greatest problems people face today is the impact of personal depression. Some consider it to be the number one problem in our nation.
Each year over 125,000 are hospitalized in the United States for depression, double of that number seek some psychiatric help. It is said that one out of every eight people in our nation is in need of professional help. That may be an exaggeration of sorts, but even Christians experience depression at times. It is said that one of Charles H. Spurgeon’s greatest personal problems was ongoing bouts with depression. Probably many are depressed because it is a spiritual problem as much as it is mental or physical.
I. LOOKING AT THE STATE OF THE DEPRESSED PERSON
A. A truly depressed person does not snap back when things take place, rather they -- gradually cease to function,
1. they withdraw from life and retreat into crushing dejection, guilt, and unworthiness.
2. They carry the world on their shoulders and find it very difficult to make simple decisions.
3. The attentions span narrows and they find it difficult to concentrate.
4. They cannot assimilate what others are telling them. They may be so preoccupied with self and personal problems they cannot give full attention to anyone.
B. At one moment he may be so depressed he may experience exaggerated mood swings and the slightest movement may agitate him, at other times he may laugh at anything hilariously. This outburst of laughter is really a facade or cover up for the inner true feelings. He may come to what some
call manic depression.
C. The depressed person is often irritable and touchy and the least little thing annoys him. So taken up with self that outside interferences disturb him. This can degenerate to the place that he is totally unaware of what is happening around him. He also generally loses interest in his environment, possibly in his wife and children and idly sit. He may even sleep all week end, or contemplate suicide because life appears meaningless.
D. David described feelings of depression as:
A broken heart and the terrors of death, fearfulness and trembling, a crushing feeling of horror. He desired to fly away like a dove and be at rest. (Study Psalm 38.) God comforted David when depressed over the hatred of a friend. He comforted David, in time of sin, and used it to drive him to seek repentance and forgiveness. (Psa. 32, 38)
A person may be depressed because of the loss of a job, loss of a loved one, or financial or marital problems. But these are not the roots of the problem. They are contributing factors.
Physiological problems are not included in root problems, though they may exist. These contributing elements are merely predisposing factors and may help pave the way for depression which is actually brought about by the root problems.
Depression may be anywhere from slight at one end of the spectrum to very severe at the other end. Almost every person has at times been depressed to some degree. For many Christians it has been only minor or for a short period of time. As they applied Biblical truth their depression problem was cared for.
II. CONSIDER ROOT PROBLEMS WHICH CAUSE DEEP DEPRESSION
A. Depression Is Often Caused By Internalized Anger. This is anger held inside the heart and thoughts.
1. Maybe the person has never verbally shared his anger but it is there. As anger is suppressed and thus internalized is grows until the person may be on the verge of exploding.
2. Anger destroys as it erupts in some
a. physical problem (like shingles, colitis, heart-attack, etc.) ,
b. personal reaction (like beating children, slapping wife, etc.),
c. ruining personal relationships or bringing physical disease or
major personal problems.
B. The direction anger takes determines its rightness or wrongness, its hurt or damage or, felt or expressed.
1. Christ (Matt 23) was angry and used anger to drive them to repent and
face sin.
2. Not all anger is wrong, every emotion is a gift from God to be under His
control for His glory. Damaging emotions are a result of sin.
3. It is not a sin to feel anger, maybe its the only thing that will cause us to do something about a problem.
4. Suppressing anger brings depression, destroys relationships, and brings
psychosomatic disorders and suffering..
III. BIBLICAL APPROACH TO ANGER TO SHARE IN COUNSELING:
A. Anger is not sin, (Psa. 7:11 God is angry with the wicked every day.) Anger is not sin in itself, but can lead to sinful action. It is not wrong to be angry at sin.
1. It is wrong when it grows out of pride, and hurt feelings, etc.
2. It is wrong when it is expressed in sinful ways. (selfish desires)
3. It is wrong when it is destructive to others.
B. Anger is an emotion and every emotion God has given to mankind is good, however the emotion may be misused. Anger is an emotion designed to mobilize force to care for something. Energies of this emotion should be directed at the problem and not the person.
C. Anger should not be released hastily. (James 1:19; Eph. 4:26,27) But anger should not be held in for it will lead to wrath, bitterness, malice, desire for revenge, and then directly and indirectly it will produce depression.
We should release anger in accordance to Matthew 18:15-10. Be willing to forgive, and to forget. If we are wrong we must be willing to confess, forsake and reconcile. If anger is held inside it brings guilt, depression, ruins personal relationship which triggers more depression. It will bring physical disorders, and ruin the spiritual life.
D. Resolving anger can free us to resolve the problem that occasioned the anger in the first place.
E. Don’t try to resolve anger by ventilation, (punching a pillow, etc.).
1. It is much better to aim the response at the problem involved rather than to attack a person or an object.
2. Some counselors suggest getting it off your chest! Some people have ulcers and some give them.
F. Don’t be angry with the person -- but, if angry, may it be with his attitudes or deeds. And be very quick and willing to recognize your own shortcomings, sins, faults, and not just your brothers. Forgive quickly and fully!
G. Realize that many differences can be and should be overlooked. “Discretion of a man defers his anger, his glory is to pass over a transgression!”
(Prov. 19:11; 30:33; 15:1)
H. Any anger problem should be short lived, dealt with daily, immediately, if at all possible. (Eph. 4:26,27)
IV. FAULTY THINKING PATTERNS OFTEN CAUSE DEPRESSION.
Is there hope for the depressed person? Is it something merely to be endured? Is it a result of sin or a trial to be put up with or an ailment like some sicknesses? Many feel that depression is a disease and seek to treat it as such.
NO, depression is not something to be endured or to be put up with as some chronic illness or sickness that has no answer. Rather it is something that can and must be conquered.
THINKING AND DEPRESSION
A. Thinking is internalized sentences.
1. A person’s internal thought process will determine how a person will act
and how a person will feel.
2. Events do not causes positive or negative feelings. Rather it is the attitude toward the event that will determine how a person feels and responds.
3. Actually it is our self-talk and belief system that determines our response to events, circumstances, and people.
4. The writer of Proverbs said, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Prov. 23:7). What is in the thoughts comes out in words and actions.
5. Renewal of the mind precedes behavior changes.
Behavioral change will not last unless it is preceded by mind change.
(Eph. 4:23; Rom. 12:2)
B. Problems must be dealt with on two levels -- behavior and thinking.
1. Tackling a problem only on the behavior level will only prove fruitless.
2. Thinking must be consistent with the Scripture.
3. Behavior will be an outgrowth of thinking.
4. If a person judges himself to be a failure, he (may) will perform on the
level of a failure and feel as a failure. This in turn can bring depression.
A man was passed over in a promotion and a position. He indulged in self-pity and introspection. He became very depressed as his thinking and attitudes brought depression into his life. Change or renewal does not take place or begin in the emotional or behavior center, but in the mental center.
5. The Christian counselor must challenge thinking as well as behavior.
a. Wrong reasoning must be cast out.
b. Wrong beliefs also must be challenged.
6. Proper behavioral patterns must be put on. This new pattern of living should be consistent with new thinking patterns.
ATTITUDES AND DEPRESSION
A. We must build positive attitudes.
1. Faulty thinking patterns must be identified for they build our attitudes.
2. Unless the counselee can see the wrongness of these attitudes and the devastating consequences, the counselee will not be motivated to change.
3. The counselor should take great pains in building a Biblical case for change.
B. Development of proper attitudes.
1. Build an attitude of praise. Phil. 4:4
Mental sins lead to physical problems. Proper thoughts lead to a healthy countenance, a relaxed mind and a merry heart. (Prov. 17:22; Phil. 4:8)
2. Build a practice of right praying. Phil. 4:6 We need to teach the counselee to pray biblically, how to pray, and the importance of a good prayer life.
• Too often our prayers are nothing but a selfish pity party (for me, myself and I).
• Paul gives the content for Biblical praying. (Phil. 1: 9-1; Col. 1:9-11)
• Pray about everything and build a spirit of prayer (I Thess. 5:17).
• We must supplicate and direct prayer toward God to resolve the problem for this will help us drain off damaging, wrong emotions.
• Prayer should be aimed at resolving problems. Let God change you.
• Pray with thanksgiving, for everything, for this will guard against self- pity.
3. Build a practice of right thinking. (Phil. 4:8)
We must learn to think Biblically. Maybe the person needs to make a think list of all that God has done. Go over that list daily, study why and the benefits of right thinking.
4. Build a practice of positive living. (Phil. 2:13; 4:19; Rom. 8:28)
Anchored in Christ we can be an overcomer. By living a positive life, resting in the Lord and His promises we can overcome. An overcomer is one whose fellowship with Christ is real.
Right thinking leads to right attitudes, actions, behavior, and emotions.
The counselor must help the person to identify the faulty thinking patterns that led to depression. We must expose these attitudes as sin, and inconsistent with Biblical Christianity. Unless the counselee can see the wrongness of the attitudes and devastating consequences he will not be properly motivated to change.
We must build a Biblical case for change. Consider Psalm chapters 73, 42, and 43. God requires the believer to battle the wrong thoughts (II Cor. 10:3-5) and requires right thoughts of the believer. Proper thoughts (Psa. 50:23) glorify God. Mental sins such as worry, complaining, etc., lead to physical problems and can bring depression as well.
Rejoicing in the Lord, and a practice of praise does make a big difference. Christian counselors should help counselees make thanksgiving a habit of life, and not live under the circumstances as a way of life.
God has everything in control; He is sovereign and will do right. Help the person to make a thanksgiving list for which to praise and rejoice.
GUILT AND DEPRESSION
A. Guilt is an emotion we experience when we violate our value system.
1. Our value system consists of those things we have come to accept as being true.
a. things from school, b. things from home training,
c. things from the impact of society, (Rom. 2:14-15)
d. things from Scripture as God’s Word convicts us.
Guilt comes from that written law that has been written on our hearts, or imposed on our hearts. Conscience gives assent to that written law. All people, no matter their culture, know guilt. Gentiles did not have God’s law, but had a law written on the heart!
B. Guilt is an attitude of condemnation and punishment.
1. When the conscience is violated, guilt steps forth like a prosecuting
attorney, saying “guilty, guilty, guilty.”
2. In several of the Psalms, David characterized his state well.
(Psa. 32:4; 38:3, 7, 8, 10)
3. Guilt rises up in the mind screaming words of accusation.
4. Guilt can be merciful or a destroyer. Guilt sent David to his knees and Judas to his death. After Judas acknowledged that he had betrayed innocent blood, he “went out and hanged himself.” (Matt. 27:4) His inner depression, guilt and pressure of wrong overwhelmed him as he did not seek forgiveness and reconciliation.
C. Guilt may manifest itself in a myriad of forms.
1. unconscious pay-off:
Guilt originally meant the payment of a fine for an offense with a desire to make personal atonement. It was to offer something in return for a wrong. It made the person no closer to God’s forgiveness though they may have felt they had a part in personal atoning for wrong. It was conscience money -- for example.
2. blame shifting:
As a counterfeit of real reason, the guilty one hides and shifts blame, such as Adam. “The excuse is a lie wrapped in the skin of a reason.”
3. defensive aggression - Possible action of a teen as a smoke screen to cover guilt.
4. attitudes of persecution
5. extreme cleanliness -- such as continual washing or bathing
6. free-floating guilt -- In this aspect a person has a lot of guilt and may not even know why... the result of many unresolved sin habits, sinful actions and practices.
Consider:
• When a person violates his conscience or value system he experiences guilt!
• Guilt is usually a major cause of depression.
• Many Christians even feel they must offer a psychological offering that consists of frustration, anxiety, and guilt before they can accept God’s forgiveness or feel forgiven. They think that they’d feel better if they suffer some for sin.
• They may well believe they must have feelings of depression as a result of their sin and wrong.
• Depressed feeling of sorrow, anxiety over life-style, and fear about the future are often all associated with ongoing depression. Often this takes place because of the poor way the person has dealt with sin and wrong.
A woman in apathy and depression did not desire to study the Word of God, or pray and did not enjoy spiritual things. She was resentful and bitter toward God for she felt God did not answer her prayers. She harbored resentment toward a family member (not shouting, etc., but fuming within). The faulty relationships with others destroyed her relationship with God.
D. Removal of guilt
1. Do not minimize guilt for the person needs to face its reality.
2. Confess sin. (Psa.32:5; 38:18; I Jh. 1:7, 9) agree with God about the sin.
Confession must be as broad as the offense. Thank God for His forgiveness whether you feel it or not; God forgives and forgets. Instead of extending your energy in psychosomatic suffering, use that energy to forgive, give thanks and move toward positive action.
3. Realign conscience with Scripture.
(James 5:16) A woman, for sixteen years unfaithful in her marriage, had tried alcohol, and other therapy to relieve her guilt and depression. We need to help people to face guilt, for like pain, it is an early warning signal which will help to save the person from self-defeating behavior.
E. Guilt versus bad feelings
1. If a person violates his belief system, he is still guilty. (Rom. 14:23)
The guilt he experienced is still real.
2. Uneasiness or awkwardness is not sin. Many things could be distinguished as bad feelings over something... that is not sin. Guilt come from the deliberate violation of one’s value system.
3. When in doubt, don’t do it.
After you have Biblically determined that a certain practice or action is proper and there will be no occasion for another stumbling, then go ahead and do it. If done in good faith and on the authority of the Word of God, good feelings will eventually follow.
PHYSIOLOGY AND DEPRESSION
A. Physical and spiritual depression are not the same.
1. Physical depression generally has an “organic base” or reason.
2. Spiritual depression lies in the area of faulty Biblical responses.
a. Spiritual depression can occur as much from ignorance as it can from
a willful violation of Scripture.
b. Many depressed people cannot tell you why they are depressed, but when their behavior and thinking patterns are scripturally examined, sins of omission are often discovered.
B. Extensive and intensive data gathering will real the problem (s).
All problems fall into one of two areas -- organic or spiritual. Spiritual problems can be broken down into two areas -- behavior and thinking.
Extensive data gathering brings all component parts into focus. Intensive data gathering is more narrow and “hones in” on possible clues in one area.
Generally there is no need to consider the physical until the areas of the
spiritual have been thoroughly considered.
C. Possible areas of exploration
1. Anger and resentment
2. Wrong beliefs such as, “I can never do anything right,” or “everyone is against me,” or “all anger is sin.”
3. Habitual areas of sin -- practices, thoughts, etc. (Masturbation, adultery,
fornication, and an improper thought life.)
4. Procrastination, poor scheduling, slothfulness.
5. Indebtedness, poor financial management
6. Bitterness, malice, and desire for revenge toward some person.
7. Anger with God, dislike of one’s lot in life
8. Battles in marriage, practicing scorn, contempt, etc.
D. Physical causes of depression
Physical causes of depression can set the stage for spiritual depression. It is
very important that the Christian counselor understands some of the disorders the physical body can suffer.
1. Thyroid deficiency
2. Hypoglycemia or low blood sugar
3. Vitamin deficiency (or some mineral lack)
V. SOME EXPERIENCE DEPRESSION BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
All of us are subject to feelings and are low at times or more calm at other times. Every day we come into contact with things that effect our emotions.
We can experience restless nights, arguments, marital problems, etc., which can begin a path of inward depression. There are a host of things that may arouse our emotions to tension or relaxation, to excitement or depression, which extreme depends upon our attitude toward the or person(s) involved.
WE ARE EMOTIONAL BEINGS, SO --
A. The things we say, the things we do, and the things we think about produce feelings or emotions.
B. They are a blessing; they make us human.
1. The problems come when we allow negative feelings to dominate our attitudes and dictate our actions.
2. If we are held by the cords of our own negative feelings and allow them to dominate the life -- we will probably have a self-fulfilling habit and life of depression made by the forging of our own chains.
VI. NEGATIVE FEELINGS ARE NOT TO BE IGNORED
A. They indicate a hidden problem.
1. We can invite depression. We control our choice of feelings by controlling our thoughts and actions.
2. Basic law of psychology is -- you feel as you think and act.
B. We are never commanded to be happy, but to praise.
1. All this is a choice we must make daily.
2. Note: We build habits of continued response that then become the conditioning for our responses in future things that touch our lives.
C. To Help the Counselee:
1. Root out wrong thinking; medication is not enough.
2. To get to the bottom of any depression related problem, make two lists;
a. On the first list have the person write down their faulty responses to life.
b. On the second list have the person write down responses God commands us to put in the place of the first list.
Illustration:
Old Habits and Patterns: New Habits and Patterns:
1. not submitting to authority 1. subjection to all authority
2. lying 2. truth telling
3. constant gripping 3. giving thanks in everything
4. anger, resentments 4. solving problems daily, facing anger
5. continued introspection 5. involvement in life, get busy
giving everything to God.
6. slothfulness 6. scheduling, goal setting
7. misuse of the body 7. proper rest, diet, etc.
8. negativeness 8. study God’s Word, note His faithfulness
Some Major Steps In Overcoming Depression.
1. Recognize that most things that lead up to depression are sin habits. Recognize that he needs a new life in Christ.
2. Realize that the habits he needs to break are habits of sin against God and against himself. Whether poorly organized time, drinking, procrastination, etc., all are sinful.
3. He must acknowledge that depression is harmful, displeasing to God, wrong, debilitating. Motivation must be biblical or change will not last. Habits of life must be seen as God sees them. We must face the need of change, that we are not the product of our own environment.
Depression is never the will of God and to continue to be in that state is never the will of God.
4. Help the counselee to believe that he can change. He can succeed in change, that God can give grace to keep and grace to lift up. Only faith can make the difference! He must believe in the infinite ability of the Creator to sustain and to give grace and strength.
5. He must acknowledge that depression is often the result of the sin of unbelief, that it is the opposite of trusting and rejoicing. Only by faith can we have victory. (Heb. 11) Faith is the only thing by which there can be victory for the drug addict, prostitute, the homosexual, etc,. Only by faith can they be transformed from the kingdom of darkness into the family of God.
Only by faith can the person find the release from the bondage of depression and break the old habits that squeeze life from his inner person.
6. He needs others to pray for him and to provoke him to biblical obedience. He should stay away from people who give the wrong kind of sympathy and encourage his self-pity, excuse making, brooding, or the neglect of responsibilities.
(Study I Cor. 15:33; Prov. 22:24,25; Heb. 3:12,13; 10:24,25 concerning the kind of companions he needs.)
7. Help him make a “think and do list” of profitable things he can think about and do when he is tempted to be despondent. (Consider Phil. 4:8,9)
• profitable things in activity when tempted to be blue,
• profitable things to think upon when tempted to be despondent,
• profitable things he could do for others.
8. Help him (her) make a list of responsibilities. Note which ones he is fulfilling well and regularly and also note those he has been neglecting or is prone to neglect because he does not feel like doing them.
• plan a schedule which gives him time to do all that he really must do,
• get busy and seek to fulfill these responsibilities,
• don’t focus on how bad he feels, or how he dislikes the task,
• focus on God, and His will,
• focus on God’s promises, blessings and provisions,
• focus on the help God gives to do what should be done in obedience,
• focus on God’s presence, care and grace. (I Pet. 5:7; Heb. 13:5,6; Heb 4:14-16)
9. Help the counselee make a list of 30 - 50 blessings that God has bestowed upon him
in every area of his life.
• spiritual blessings
• material, or physical blessings
• family and social blessings
• financial and work blessings
• possessions and environment blessings
• community and housing blessings
• opportunities and encouragements from others
Consider Psa. 103:1-10; 68:19. The blessings are there, we need to be in the habit of seeing them, recognizing them and thanking God for them. Make it a daily practice to give specific thanks for particular, specific things. (Phil. 4:8; Psa 34:1; Eph. 5:20)
10. Maintain a regular practice of daily Bible reading and study, prayer and meditation.
• Help him to plan his procedure: schedule a regular time for devotions,
and put his plans into action,
• Keep a written record of what he gets out of his devotional time,
• Ask some mature Christians for help in making them more profitable and seek immediately to implement what he learns and to share it with other people.
11. He should be taught to serve God and others in practical ways for many depressed people are moody, blue, listless, and doing little to help their problem.
• Make a list of abilities and gifts to use to serve others,
• Ask others to evaluate strengths and gifts,
• Read Romans 12 and see where he fits into the picture,
• Make a list of specific ways in which he can and will serve others,
• Begin immediately to put that list into practice,
• Keep a record for a little while of how he is serving the Lord and others.
When a person trusts Christ as Savior, the guilt of personal sin before God is forever removed.
As far as one’s standing with God is concerned, that individual is from that moment on -
• unconditionally accepted and declared righteous by God,
• even though, as a new believer, he or she has a lot of personal weaknesses, hang-ups, and sins in his or her daily life, for which victory has not yet been experienced.
This perfect standing, free from condemnation, is because of the work of Christ on the cross and Christ’s merits, given as a gift to the believer’s account.
I. Why is this subject so important to us to understand?
A. Because so many of the world’s counselors say it is unimportant.
Example: “The murderer is not to blame because he had a bad childhood.” They try to find out who did what to whom.
B. If guilt is not handled Biblically, it distorts other problems in the life.
1. A condemning conscience keeps us from answers to prayer, and from
confidence with God. (I Jh. 3:18-22)
2. A clear or free conscience means we can draw near to God. The opposite is
the case when sin has not been dealt with. (Consider Heb. 10:9-22, especially vs. 22)
3. “The wicked flee when no man pursueth.” (Prov. 28:1; Gen. 4:11) The
person who is under a weight of guilt may manifest strange actions in life.
4. Sin not dealt with gives satan a toe-hold in the life. (Eph. 4:26,27)
5. A condemning heart can bring the person to death, as seen in Judas’s
personal decision.
6. Guilt will hinder many varied relationship -- at work, in the school,
at church, and in the home. Along with guilt we will usually find bitterness, resentments, anger, and even hatred.
C. How you view guilt will determine how you respond to events, circumstances, situations, and people.
1. You are confronted with a wrong action. Is this a hurt or a blessing?
Is guilt a blessing from God at this point?
2. Your child has done wrong. How will you respond: protect, shield, or
help the person to face the wrong of the action and corresponding guilt.
3. Many experts in child training say, “Only use positive reinforcements, never be negative. Just ignore wrong.”
4. When something takes place and you feel guilty is that true or false guilt?
II. Secular counselors only deal with the effects of guilt.
A. Consider Freud: He taught:
1. A man’s problem is a conflict between the id and superego within the person. (Id-- personal inner drives; superego -- teaching given by others)
2. The counselor must always side with the id. They teach that the super-ego
is what is wrong and the person must be freed from inner guilt.
His answer: Relearning so there is no conflict with the drives.
Note: In this there is no truth, no accountability and of course no sin, hence
the person should be freed from any guilt. Freud is WRONG.
B. Consider Skinner (and those who support the second force):
1. Man needs to change his behavior that is counterproductive to
what he truly wants and results in bad consequence.
2. Change behavior for good results. The person had the inner ability and just needs to know how to release it.
His answer: There is no standard of truth, or right or wrong. Do not deal with the offense. The person has inner strength, or power to effect personal change. Just manipulate the results of being caught! Skinner is WRONG.
C. Third Force in secular counseling:
1. Mowrer says: Guilt is sorrow for the effect caused to others.
Rogers says: Guilt is the difference between what a person is and should be.
2. They teach that the person needs to change the idea of what he is and what he should be. Since everything is relative this depends on your outlook.
Note: There is no standard. No dealing with the offense, sin, or shame.
Only remedy is to change the feelings. Help the client not to hurt! This is
all WRONG.
Applications:
1. They do not recognize that guilt is caused by offending a Holy God.
(Psa. 32; 51) There is a vast difference between dealing with hurt feelings and trying to effect a healing of the emotions on a human level.
2. All the above disregard the conviction that comes from breaking the standard of God’s law (Word of God and law written within the conscience).
3. They also disregard the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the person’s
individual accountability to a Holy God. (Read Romans chapters 1, 2, 3)
All of this probably springs from a belief in evolution and a god of man’s own
making.
4. All the above seek to deal with the symptoms or “feelings” of guilt by:
a. They explaining guilt away in many different ways.
1) Society’s problem - We do have a problem.
2) Sickness or disease - “labels” are given!
3) Bad set of “genes, chromosomes” which are inherited.
b. By Desensitizing it.
1) Do what feels good, do what you really like to do, actually do more sin.
2) Give medication, mask over the problem, dealing with symptoms only.
3) Labels become excuses.
4) Conditioning by behavior change, or shock treatments
c. Work on improving your self-esteem, your self-worthy, feel good about yourself.
d. Blame shifting (see study on this)
5. Individual ways of coping.
a. Get someone to agree. Go on a pity-party.
b. The person sears his conscience, and ignore inner qualms.
c. Run, hide, stay busy,
d. Deny fact of God, sin, and failure. Maybe failure is just a fall upwards?
III. A Biblical View of Guilt
A. Definition: “Guilt is the result of having committed a breach of conduct, especially violating the law and involving a ignoring of the Law of God -- a feeling of liability, sense of despair, or blame.”
Note: There is the liability of guilt and the culpability of guilt! Feelings may or may not follow. We are talking about offending a Holy God.
B. General truths about guilt
1. Universality of guilt. (Rom. 5:12; Jh. 16:7-11; Rom. 3:23; 5:8)
2. Accountability that comes because of guilt.
a. Exod. 20:7 “The Lord will not hold him guiltless.”
Rom. 1:20; 2:1; 2:14; 3:9-12, 19, 23 What do these portions teach?
b. What about those who feel no guilt? Are they free from sin?
1) No guilt because of an untrained conscience.
Did Paul feel guilt as he endeavored to destroy the church?
(Consider: Lev. 4:3; 22-24, 27-29; Rom. 1:20; 2:1-14; John 7:17.)
2) No guilt because of a seared conscience.
(Consider I Tim. 4:12; Tit. 1:15; Eph. 4:19.)
Note: It would be good to study McArthur’s book, The Vanishing Conscience.
Such a person may or may not fear consequences, pain, sorrow for hurt to God,
others or toward self.
c. What about those who feel guilty but have violated no Scripture? Many would teach at this point that they have a false guilt.
They have a weak conscience. Their guilt is triggered by something else than the standards of the Word of God, (Rom. 14:1-5, 23)
by what some person has said, by what society has said, or by some standard, idea, or preference of another person.
(See other study on guilt as it is connected to depression.)
Note: If there is no false guilt, then why are we concerned about the enemy of our souls who, as our adversary, endeavors to make us feel guilt when we are not guilty?
3. Guilt is a great blessing when it leads us to Christ. (Gal. 3:24;
Rom. 3:19-24; 5:8)
4. Guilt is still present after we are saved. (I Cor. 11:27-30)
5. Feelings of guilt can impact the total person, emotionally, mentally,
physically, and spiritually. These feelings will be experienced in deep inner conviction.
Consider: Psa. 32:1-5; Prov. 14:30; Psa. 38:1-8
David was aware of violating God’s standard and did not deal with his guilt for nearly a year. What did he experience as God’s judgment and
discipline rested on him? See Psalm 38 and 32.
vs. 2 _________________________ vs. 3 ___________________________
vs. 4 _________________________ vs. 5 ___________________________
vs. 6 _________________________ vs. 7 ___________________________
vs. 8 _________________________ Then consider Psalm 32: 2-4:
_____________________________________________________________
IV. What Are God’s Answers for Our Guilt?
The fact of guilt for us as believers exists whenever we have violated a clear statement of or command of God’s Word.
When we feel guilty, we need to ask ourselves, “Have I violated a clear statement of command of God’s Word and/or His express will for my life?”
A. Facing guilt itself
1. It must be acknowledge, not circumvented by hiding, running, denial, etc.
a. Prov. 28:13 __________________________________________________
b. Psa. 51:4 ____________________________________________________
c. The publican said, “___________________________________________.”
d. I John 1:7, 9 _________________________________________________
2. Sin must be confessed: “Taking God’s side against our sin, saying what He
says about it, agreeing with God.” (Or just a mistake, failure, fault, etc.!)
a. Unsaved must confess Christ as the Sin bearer. (Rom. 10:3-10)
(Judicial forgiveness... bringing justification... Rom. 8:1, 32-29... imputed righteousness!)
b. Saved must confess sin as an act of a child against the Father. (Psa. 51) (We should desire to walk blameless, in constant fellowship with our Father so we need parental forgiveness.)
1) Not: “Whoops, I goofed!” Or “Well, you know I really didn’t mean to do that.” “I’m really not usually like this!” “Oh, I just had a lot on me today!”
2) But: “Lord, I failed to apply your grace. I yielded to an idol of my heart!” “I choose to sin and do my own will.” I Jh. 1:6-10
3. We must confess to the appropriate people! (Matt. 5:23-26; James 5:16;
Matt. 18) We must accept our responsibility. (II Cor. 5:10)
4. We must make restitution as a result of our sin, if at all possible.
a. Note the action of the prodigal son... he went, said, and was repentant.
b. Note the action of Zaccheaus in Luke 19:8.... restored four fold.
c. Note Christ’s command in Matthew 5:23-28.... first, go, settle offenses.
d. Note the teaching of I Corinthians 7:10,11. ________________________
e. Note Romans 12:18, for sometimes restitution is impossible.
Note: If there is no restitution the offender may be allowed to enjoy the fruits of his sin. We must show the world that sin will be dealt with. Always when the world has witnessed a genuine revival, restitution has been one of the chief ingredients.
Where there is genuine conversion there will be restoration and restitution as a
natural result. The prodigal son was willing to do right!
5. There must be change! This comes through the application of the Word God!
The emphasis is not to feel forgiven, but to think forgiven.
a. Forgiveness must be accepted or we reject truth! (Rom. 5:1; 6:11;
I Cor. 6:9-11) Forgiveness must be embraced, accepted no matter how unworthy we may feel. It is based on the finished work of Christ.
Note: But what if our feelings of guilt remain when there is no longer any fact of guilt? That means we have not entered fully into God’s forgiveness in a personal way. We are holding a grudge against ourselves. The motive for any grudge is vengeance. We may look at ourselves as bad, even though God says we are made righteousness in Christ. We may want to punish ourselves with penance of one kind or another.
b. We need now to have changed behavior, as a result of knowing we
are forgiven and because of our stand against our own sin. (Eph. 4:22- 24) We must practice the put off and put on principle!
B. False guilt often comes from a weak conscience. So-called false guilt
It can be caused by disobeying what the person thought was God’s Word. When a misuse of God’s Word forms a standard that is not Biblical the person will experience guilt... but this cannot be called false guilt. The problem is a lack of rightly dividing the Word of Truth.
This may also be a representation of the term legalism as it is so often spoken of today. There are those who coerce others by preaching and teaching preferences that are not convictions based on the Word of God this can cause the listener to feel guilt over some thing that is not based on Scripture at all.
V. Unbiblical Concepts About Forgiveness
A. Forgiving God.
This is wrong; God cannot sin; this is blasphemous and puts man over God.
1. How can man forgive a loving God who does all things perfectly? (Rom. 8:32)
2. How can man forgive a divine Creator who providentially ministers to us?
B. Forgive yourself.
1. This is NOT taught in the Bible. But we do need to enter into the forgiveness
promised and accept it by faith.
2. Only God can forgive, I cannot forgive myself.
Note: Satan can work to bring feelings of false guilt when we have truly confessed and dealt with our sin. He is the accuser of the brethren. He puts us down and makes us expect that God will cast us away if we sin. He makes us fear punishment, which is contrary to God’s provision for those in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1) Satan can encourage self-depreciating thoughts that make us feel unworthy of restored fellowship with God. He also encourages feelings of alienation and isolation from the very people who care most for us, and of course that includes God. (To that measure some say we need to forgive ourselves... I think, at times, it is a matter of semantics.) Also this is a consideration we need to consider when we think false guilt does not exist.
3. Through this means we may excuse ourselves through self-pity, brooding,
and not changing. We need to: think forgiven and live forgiven!
(Rom. 6:11-13)
C. Feeling forgiven and why it is lacking
1. We may not feel forgiven until habits of life are changing, for continued sin brings continued guilt. (Prov. 28:13; I John 3:20-22)
2. It may be lacking because we are feeling-oriented and not Bible-oriented, embracing the truth of what God has said! (Jh. 8:32; Jh. 17:17)
3. It may be lacking because we are still feeding the flesh and sin is appealing as we built it and respond to its appetite. (James 1; II Cor. 7:10;
Gal. 5:16-17)
4. We are not thankful to God for trials, in fact we may be bitter over our lot in life, which we feel is not fair. (James 1:2-5; Phil. 2:13)
5. We may feel unforgiven because we are not accepting God’s Word. (Heb. 11:6; Eph. 1:7; Isa. 44:22; Psa. 32:1,2; Rom. 10:17)
6. We need to enter into restoration , forgiveness, and restitution. If we do not forgive others we will not be forgiven. (Matt. 18:21-35;
7. We have no plans for change and continued failure brings continued guilt.
Perfect love casts out fear, fear has torment and when we do not walk in God’s love applied we may well expect fear and guilt.
• Blameshifting began in the Garden of Eden.
• Mankind ever since naturally practices circumventing personal responsibility by placing blame on others, or the environment, events, circumstances, or situations in life. “Anything and anyone is to blame, but self,” seems to be the normal reaction to failure in life.
• Blameshifting keeps us from facing responsibility, being accountable and also destroys the potential for change.
This study will help us face this problem that is often manifested by our practice of rationalizing, defense mechanisms, denials, etc. This is assignment # 1.
A. What does the Bible have to say about man’s natural condition?
1. Genesis 6:5 _____________________________________________________
2. Ecclesiastes 7:20 ________________________________________________
3. Romans 3:10 ____________________________________________________
4. I John 1:8, 10 ____________________________________________________
5. Because of man’s pride, who does he naturally think is right? (Prov. 21:2):
_______________________________________________________________
6. Who is responsible for your sins? _______________________________
B. Read Matthew 7:1-5.
1. What does Jesus say you should not do? _______________________________
2. What does He say you should do? ____________________________________
3. Who is the guiltier party -- the accused or the accuser? How do you know?
(vs. 4) _________________________________________________________
C. As an assignment, list 50 ways you have been failing God as a husband/ wife, mother/father, church member, Christian employee, student, etc.
D. Read the following verses and write out how each shifted the blame to someone else. (Put it in your own words.)
1. Genesis 3:12 _____________________________________________________
2. Genesis 3:13 _____________________________________________________
How did blameshifting affect the relationship between Adam and Eve?
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
3. In what way is blameshifting contrary to the definition of love as found
I Corinthians 13:5...”Love doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil....” ______________________________
________________________________________________________________
Or consider Proverbs 19:3 ___________________________________________
4. Are you blaming God for the results of your own foolishness and sin?
_______________________________________________________________
Consider Genesis 39:7-20: __________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
5. Are you blaming someone else for your own sin? If so, whom are you blaming and what sin have you committed? __________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Consider Numbers 13:26-14:6: ______________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Are you blaming God for your lack of faith? Or for your unwillingness to accept and learn from providential changes and trials in your life? Have you been blaming someone else because things don’t go the way you want them to go? Have you done this for years? ________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
6. Study I Samuel 15:1-23, particularly consider verses 15, and 21.
a. What did God specifically command Saul to do? (vs. 3) _________________
______________________________________________________________
b. What did Saul do? (vs. 9) _________________________________________
c. Whom did he blame? (vs. 15) ______________________________________
7. If we seek to justify our actions and shift blame to someone else, what will be the result? (Consider Job 9:20.) ______________________________________
E. How does God want you to deal with your sin?
1. Proverbs 9:20 ____________________________________________________
2. Psalm 32:5 _______________________________________________________
3. Psalm 51:4 _______________________________________________________
4. I Samuel 3:15-18 __________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
5. II Samuel 12:13 ___________________________________________________
6. Psalm 103:3 ______________________________________________________
7. I John 1: 9 ________________________________________________________
8. James 5:16 _______________________________________________________
9. Micah 7:9 ________________________________________________________
Assignment # 2:
After you have made your list of failures (assignment # 1) ask God’s forgiveness. If you have hurt another person, ask that person’s forgiveness. If you have sinned against a group of people, go to that group and confess your sins publicly. Your confession should be as public as the offense.
What should be your response when someone blames you?
1. Romans 12:17a ___________________________________________________
2. Romans 12:19 ____________________________________________________
3. Philippians 4:4 ___________________________________________________
4. I Thessalonians 5:18 ______________________________________________
5. I Peter 2:15 ______________________________________________________
6. I Peter 2:23 ______________________________________________________
7. I Peter 3:9 _______________________________________________________
8. Titus 2:7,8 ______________________________________________________
9. I Peter 3:11 _______________________________________________________
Assignment # 3:
Write out at least ten ways you can respond Biblically to someone who accuses you or blames you. Keep in mind that you want to bless rather than to condemn.
Assignment # 4:
The Bible says pursue peace with all men (I Peter 3:11) and overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Make a list of 25 things you will do or say to pursue peace and overcome evil with good.
To overcome blameshifting you must:
1. Take full responsibility for your own sins? (Mic. 7:9)
2. Thank God and others for bringing your sins to your attention. (I Thess. 5:18)
3. Confess your sins to God and to others whom you have offended. (I Jh 1:9; James 5:16)
4. Allow God to deal with the sins of others. (Col. 3:25; Nah. 1:2)
5. Seek to change in the areas where you have sinned. (Eph. 4:24; Col. 3:8)
6. Commend, bless, express appreciation, pray for others. (Luke 6:35)
7. Maintain a blameless testimony by good works. (I Pet. 2:15)
8. Always seek to put the best construction on what others say or do.
(I Cor. 13:5)
Assignment # 5: For further study and help consider these verses to discover how David handled a situation when he was mistreated by the wicked.
1. Read Psalm 37:1-5
a. What was the circumstance of David’s problem? (vs. 1) _________________ ______________________________________________________________
b. What two commands does God give in verse 3? ________________________ _________________________________________________________________
c. What does God say will be the inevitable fate of evildoers? (vs. 2) _________ ________________________________________________________________
d. Rather than retaliating toward those who seek your harm, according to verses 3, 4, 5 what should you be focusing on? _______________________
e. What promises does God give to those who trust Him and fulfill their responsibilities? vs. 3 _____________________________________________
vs. 4 _________________________________________________________
vs. 5 _________________________________________________________
vs. 6 _________________________________________________________
2. What should we do with our so called “personal rights?”
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Stress is a major problem in today’s society. In fact, possibly more people complain about stress in the twentieth century than those who suffer from depression.
Stress is considered to be undesirable and sufficient to warrant a person to do whatever is necessary to free oneself from the problem.
I. WHAT IS STRESS?
A. Definitions:
1. Dictionary:
a. pressure, force, strain -- World Book
b. constraining force or influence -- Webster
2. From Selye and his experiments:
a. Our response to pressures and strain of life.
b. Rate of wear and tear on the body.
c. A danger and an opportunity; a friend of a foe, if used right stress can
be a good friend.
3. Current popular view:
a. The pressures placed on a person by various unwanted and
unpleasant circumstances and events in life.
b. Includes all the pressures that cause wear and tear on the body.
B. Origins of stress we experience in life.
1. Situations and events of life over which we have no or little control
a. Unpleasant situations or circumstances
b. Pressure from people which is felt in many ways
c. Expectations placed on you, or self-induced oughts
d. Uncertainties of life
2. Situations and events which were results of our own failure
a. Unrealistic standards we set for ourselves
b. Personal life style which results in undue stress
c. Personal sin habits and practices which brought stress:
• we might get caught
• guilt due to inner pressure from the Lord
d. Workaholic self imposed demands
3. Your inner thoughts (self-talk practices) about any of the above
4. Your personal attitude depending upon how you responded to any of the above.
Consider:
• Many of us labor under a misconception about pressure.
• We think of it as something from without which builds up the pressure within us.
• Pressure does not come from the outside; we will see it originates from inside the person.
• No other person can put you under pressure. You are the only one who can do that
to yourself.
• The pressures under which we labor are our responses to external circumstances, events, and people.
___________________________________________________________________
II. HOW TO RESPOND TO STRESS, OR TO MANAGE IT:
A. Contemporary methods of the world.
1. Prevent it if you can
2. Methods to respond to stress.
a. Attempt to avoid any and all stressful situations.
b. When you can’t reduce the stress, then learn to relax
and decrease its effect on your body.
B. The Biblical approach to stress.
__________________________________________________________
Consider:
• Stress or pressure does not come because you have too much to do.
• Most of us instinctively respond to pressure by feeling that we have too many demands on our time or our life.
• This reveals the idea that without external demands the pressure would be gone. • Stress truly comes from our own response to the things that are our obligation to do.
• As a result of the wrong responses we suffer what we have to say about stress.
___________________________________________________________________
1. Recognize that God is in control; He is working His providential plans.
a. Gen. 50:20 - events take place for our good
b. I Cor. 10:13 -- God is in control, nothing can take place outside His will and plan. He limits testings, etc., God will not exceed your limits.
c. Phil. 2:13 -- It is God that is at work through everything that touches the life.
2. Choose to think Biblically -- Accept God’s workings for good:
a. Rom. 5:3-5 -- tribulation, pressures are meant for good, accept it.
b. James 1:2 -- count divers testings and trials as God at work for good, accept it.
c. I Pet. 4:12,13 -- God allows fiery trials to build us.
3. Thank God for the pressures.
a. Eph. 5:20 -- in everything give thanks
b. Phil. 4:6 -- in everything, by prayer, supplication, thanksgiving.....
4. Ask for and expect wisdom from the trials (Rom. 5:3-5)
a. James 1:5 -- wisdom from, learning in, not trying to escape from...
b. To know how to change the sources of stress you produce in your own life.
• correct poor health habits
• correct poor time usage
• correct self-imposed pressures, know your limits
• correct poor work habits
• correct sinful thoughts and attitudes
• correct personal habits
c. To recognize God’s goals -- His will and plan. (I Thess. 5:18, 24;
I Pet. 5:10) -- His purpose to “perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”
C. Our personal choices in stress and pressure.
1. Look for God’s good in the stress and pressures.
a. Rom. 8:28, 29 -- consider the chart about accepting God’s providence, and will.
b. Heb. 12:11 -- God’s chastening, (child-training) often comes through the medium of pressures and stress in life.
c. Matt. 11:28-30 -- Yoked to Christ we can see Him at work in our lives. We
need to learn from and of Him.
d. Gen. 50:20 -- They “thought all they did for evil,” God allowed all of it for good.
2. Accept the pressures and stress that they might accomplish good.
a. I Tim. 1:5 -- labor to build a pure heart, good conscience and faith
unfeigned.
b. I Pet. 5:10 -- God is seeking to build our lives. (Note the list)
c. Phil. 4:11-13 -- God desires we would use stress for our benefit.
Here are some safety valves we must consider:
• The safety valve of rest (Matt. 11:28-30)
• The safety valve of prayer (Phil. 4:6-9)
• The safety valve of planning ahead (Psa. 34:5,6; Prov. 3:5-6)
• The safety valve of saying NO (Eph. 5:17; Col. 4:12; Psa. 37:23)
• The safety valve of trusting God fully (Isa. 41:10-11; Psa. 61, 62, 63)
• The safety valve of resting in His promises (Isa. 40:28-31)